BEST AND WORST OF 2011

Here are my votes for the Oscars (and the Razzies) for 2011.

The Best Movies of 2011
10. The Adventures of Tintin
9. The Guard
8. Midnight in Paris
7. The Skin I Live In
6. Attack the Block
5. Drive
4. The Muppets
3. 13 Assassins
2. Hugo
1. The Artist

Best Actor
Jean Dujardin as George Valentin in The Artist

Best Actress
Glenn Close as Albert Nobbs in Albert Nobbs

Best Supporting Actor
Andy Serkis as Captain Haddock in The Adventures of Tintin

Best Supporting Actress
Berenice Bejo as Peppy Miller in The Artist

Best Director
Michel Hazanavicius-The Artist

Best Original Screenplay
Michel Hazanavicius-The Artist

Best Adapted Screenplay
John Logan-Hugo

Best Music
Stephen Price and Basement Jaxxx-Attack the Block

Best Special Effects
Attack the Block

Best 3D
Hugo

Honorable Mentions
Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame
Bridesmaids
Horrible Bosses
War Horse
Rango
Kung Fu Panda 2
Warrior

The Worst Movies of 2011
10. Sucker Punch
9. Paranormal Activity 3
8. X-Men: First Class
7. The Descendants
6. The Debt
5. The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
4. The Hangover Part 2
3. Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows
2. Transformers: Dark of the Moon
1. Shark Night 3D

Worst Actor
Shia Labeouf as Sam Witwicky in Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Worst Actress
Shailene Woodley as Alexandra King in The Descendants

Worst Supporting Actor
Sam Worthington as David Peretz in The Debt

Worst Supporting Actress
Jennifer Lawrence as Raven/Mystique in X-Men: First Class

Worst Director
Michael Bay-Transformers: Dark of the Moon

Worst Original Screenplay
Will Hayes & Jesse Studenberg-Shark Night 3D

Worst Adapted Screenplay
Ashley Miller, Zack Stentz, Jane Goldman, & Matthew Vaughn-X-Men: First Class

Worst Music
Tyler Bates & Marius de Vries-Sucker Punch

Worst Special Effects
Shark Night 3D

Worst 3D
Shark Night 3D

Dishonorable Mentions
Red Riding Hood
Cowboys & Aliens
Jack and Jill
Abduction
Dream House

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Rating: 1/5

I love mysteries. As a kid I read pretty much every Sherlock Holmes and Hercule Poirot story, and more recently I've explored the works of Raymond Chandler, Dashiell Hammett, and Georges Simenon. The downside of this passion is that mystery TV shows and movies are transparent to me. I spot red herrings and plot twists very fast, and it's hard not to get bored after I do. With that ladies and gentlemen: The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo.

Disgraced journalist Mikael Blomkvist (Daniel Craig) is hired by dying billionaire Henrik Vanger (Christopher Plummer) to find the reason behind the disappearance of his beloved niece twenty years ago. Henrik believes she was murdered by a family member, and Mikael has to figure out who. Meanwhile, antisocial goth-chic P.I. Lisbeth Salander (Rooney Mara) conducts her own investigation while under the thumb of a corrupt social worker.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo is two hours and forty-five minutes long, and a lot of it could've been cut. There are so many plot points, sequences, and bits of dialogue that have absolutely nothing to do with the plot it's astounding. I guessed the bad guy around half an hour in, but even if I hadn't I could still count the maguffins on both hands. David Fincher's tense direction and Trent Reznor's awesome soundtrack work well together, but can't save the film from feeling extremely flat. The acting is fine, except that Daniel Craig is the only Brit is Swedish.

There is a rape scene in this movie. It involves Rooney Mara, and it is one of the most vile, tasteless, and exploitive scenes since "I Spit on Your Grave." It is drawn out to an excruciating degree, and has nothing to do with anything. This scene kills the film. I am not upset because it's graphic. I am upset because David Fincher made a choice to focus on Rooney Mara's sexiness while her character is anally raped and please the lowest common denominator.

This is a bad mystery. Its plot is faux-complex, there's no character development, the conclusion is ludicrous, and it's boring. Half of it makes NO sense, the whole thing is bland and pretentious, and it ignores the work films like Bridesmaids did for women in cinema. The only compliment I have is for Rooney Mara; she is fantastic as Lisbeth, and I can't wait to see her in better movies in the future. For now I'm just sorry she has to be associated with movies like this.

The Artist

Rating: 5/5

As pretentious as this is going to sound, I really do prefer black and white. The lack of extreme detail and, well, color gives black and white movies a feeling of fantasy and escapism that I feel no 3D or CGI can. Three of my top five favorite films, including my number one, are black and white. I find an innocence in it that I don't anywhere else. This love is but part of why I love movies such as The Man Who Wasn't There and my new favorite film of 2011, The Artist.

Silent star George Valentin (Jean Dujardin) is on top of the world in 1927 when sound on film is first invented. George thinks it's just a fad, but is shoved aside for younger, talking stars like extra Peppy Miller (Berenice Bejo). Peppy is endlessly cheerful and indebted to George, who first drew in the beauty mark that has since become her signature feature. However as her career rises up and up, George's continues to fade into obscurity and destitution. But Peppy and George's destinies are intertwined, and not even sound will pull them apart.

I was genuinely surprised by how much I liked The Artist. The trailers and marketing made me think it was just a snobby French film in black and white only to please Oscar voters. How wrong I was. The Artist is a true labor of love to the art of cinema. Michel Hazanavicius does such a freakishly good job directing; beautiful cinematography, great, real sets, wonderful storytelling, and a feeling of pure wonder. Jean Dujardin may have the most charming smile ever, and he and the beautiful Berenice Bejo have such skill in facial expressions and body language it's hard to believe they aren't real silent stars.

Now I will address the issue that many people I know have used as an excuse not to see the film: the silence. The fact that The Artist is silent is not a detraction. Film is a visual medium, not an auditory one, and The Artist is a perfect example of that. Some of the media's most jaded critics loved this film, so there's no reason anyone else can't. You do not need dialogue to love a film. If that wasn't true then there would be no need for good cinematography, and The Artist wouldn't be so perfect.

I saw this movies with a group of people I wasn't sure would like it, and at the end they all raucously applauded. As I said before, I was surprised at how much I loved it. The Artist is pure unadulterated joy, and I dare you not to smile from beginning to end. I enjoyed every second of The Artist, and I really can't praise it enough. If you have ever claimed to love film, you are obligated to see The Artist. There simply isn't anything else like it.

The Adventures of Tintin

Rating: 4.5/5

In my not-so-humble opinion, Spielberg's best work is the original Indiana Jones trilogy. Yes Schindler's List is a classic and so are E.T. and Saving Private Ryan and Jaws. Nothing rings with me like Indiana Jones though. High adventure, ancient secrets of ancient civilizations, and villainous Europeans are my alley. This is also an alley where I believe Spielberg is most comfortable. And thank god for that, because Tintin fits right in with that criteria.

When boy reporter Tintin (Jamie Bell) buys a model ship at a flea market, he is immediately accosted by the devious Dr. Sakharin (Daniel Craig). Sakharin is extremely keen on buying the ship, but is refused. Tintin's detective sense starts to twitch when he finds that Sakharin already has a model, and that his own has been stolen. After learning that the ship, the Unicorn, may be the key to a great mystery, Tintin, the alcoholic Captain Haddock (Andy Serkis), two bumbling detectives (Nick Frost and Simon Pegg), and his faithful dog Snowy must solve the secret of the unicorn.

Tintin is the beter Spielberg film of 2011. It's not as melodramatic or as cheesy as War Horse, it's much better acted, and a lot more fun. The motion-capture animation is a bit too realistic and initially creepy, but it finds its niche and works. The screenplay by Edgar Wright and Joe Cornish is smart, well-paced, exciting and very funny. There are many memorable lines, great character development, and the actors are wonderful. Daniel Craig is a great villain, Jamie Bell captures Tintin perfectly, and Andy Serkis steals the show.

My favorite part of Tintin is that anybody can enjoy it. The plot is smart enough to for adults to stay interested and there's enough slapstick to keep kids awake. The intelligent dialogue rides the line between complex and accesible very well, and makes it fun for all. Action-wise it's also great with grand setpieces complemented by the beautifully animated environments. It's just a fun ride all the way through and does great justice to the comic books.

The Adventures of Tintin is probably the best action movie of the year. Spielberg and crew have given us a monstrously entertaining film that's also smart and genuine. Going in not expecting anything goof, Tintin was a great surprise. I honestly would see it again if someone wanted to, and I can't say that for many movies this year. I also really do want to see a sequel and so, you should go see it.

Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol

Rating: 4/5

You know, I've never had a problem with Tom Cruise as an actor. Sure his personal life has involved some zany public events. But does that negate the quality of his performances in films like Jerry Maguire and Tropic Thunder? I certainly don't think so. Plus I actually enjoy the Mission: Impossible movies in the same way I enjoy Rambo 4 or Commando. Plus plus, Brad Bird, who directed The Incredibles and Ratatouille, also did this film. Simply put, it works really well.

Ethan Hunt (Tom Cruise) is back after six months in Russian prison with a new assignment to take out a Swedish nuclear terrorist. While gathering intel on baddy from the Kremlin, Ethan falls for a trap that leads to the IMF being framed for bombing the building. As a result, Ghost Protocol is activated and the entire IMF is disavowed. Now Ethan, his team (Simon Pegg & Paula Patton), an analyst with a dark past (Jeremy Renner), and a train car full of gadgets have to save the day.

The only way I can really describe Ghost Protocol is to quote my dad: it's a cartoon. I use that quote in the most endearing way possible. Yes the movie is akin to a cartoon, but a badass one like Transformers, not Ben 10. But I digress. Ghost Protocol is a good old-fashioned action movie that I'm surprised came out in December of all times. The story and script are just silly enough, the cast is great, and of course, Brad Bird does an amazing job.

But a Mission: Impossible movie is nothing without spectacular action and stunts is it? Rest easy dear reader, because Ghost Protocol has both in spades. The aforementioned topics are both very creative and exciting; each outdoes the last and I spent many parts on the edge of my seat with my teeth clenched. The gadgets are also awesome and not totally unbelievable like in some other spy movies. It really is a blast to watch.

Besides a bizarre opening credits sequence that reveals the entire movie (seriously it's really weird), Ghost Protocol is a ton of fun. I was never bored, never thought it was too silly, and enjoyed myself all the way through. The only time I fell out of the atmosphere of the movie was a couple moments of spectacularly bad acting from Paula Patton. Other than that I had a great time. Mission: Impossible-Ghost Protocol is funny, exciting, badass, etc.

War Horse

Rating: 4/5

The last time I visited New York City, I had the great pleasure of seeing the stage adaptation of War Horse. It was an essentially simple story, but it was beautifully acted and directed, and featured life size horse puppets operated by 3-4 people each able to create ultra realistic movements. When I heard about the film adaptation, I was admittedly cautious even though it was Spielberg. Was I right? Let's find out.

On the eve of World War 1, poor Irish farm boy Albert Narracott (Jeremy Irvine) and his family are struggling to get by. In the heat of the moment, Albert's alcoholic dad (Peter Mullan) buys a majestic hunting horse at an auction. Tasked with training the horse to plow, Albert immediately takes to the animal, named Joey, and forms a unique bond with it. Once war is declared, Joey is bought by the army, and his journey to hell and back begins.

I love Steven Spielberg, but I can admit he isn't perfect. He has a bad habit of making things way over dramatic and never having a purely evil villain unless they're a nazi. At the same time he's one of America's best directors and I love his work; most of it anyway. War Horse doesn't change that fact for me. Sure it's predictable and cheesier than the cheddar kingdom, but so was the play and I bet the book is too. War horse does its job however, and does it well.

First things first: this is a beautiful movie. Spielberg uses his cinematographer to his advantage with sweeping shots and majestic portrayals of landscapes and the horses themselves. The acting is also good, except two French characters who are onscreen way too long. Other than one other moment of complete melodramatic silliness, the story moves well and isn't boring. Overall, it works.

This will be a polarizing film. Anybody going in expecting another Saving Private Ryan will be very disappointed, as will those expecting Schindler's List. War Horse is a big, over the top Spielberg movie and nothing more. I enjoyed it, but I honestly don't think I'd see it twice. It's beautiful to look at, very well done, touching and inspiring, but very cheesy. In the end War Horse is a totally solid drama by one of our best filmmakers, take it or leave it.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Rating: 1/5

Sherlock Holmes is not James Bond. He is not Jason Bourne, or MacGyver, or John McClane, or or an Inglorious Basterd. I have read just about every single Sherlock Holmes novel and story, I've seen the Basil Rathbone movies, and the excellent BBC show Sherlock. I grew up with Sherlock Holmes, and that is only one reason I hated this movie.

Sherlock Holmes (Robert Downey, Jr.) is back with a newly married Watson (Jude Law) in tow. Holmes still doesn't want to accept Watson's matrimony, and drags him into another wacky case. As it turns out, evil college professor James Moriarty (Jared Harris) wants to incite war between France and Germany and reap the profits. After figuring this out off-screen and rescuing Madam Simza (Noomi Rapace) from Moriarty's assassins, Holmes needs to stop a villain who is always one step ahead.

Ok, as much as I like RDJ, giving him a pipe and a British accent does not a Sherlock Holmes make. Neither does having him use big words and deduce conclusions from ridiculous and impossible evidence. Neither does having him play out fights in his head so we have to watch every stupid victorian kung-fu scene twice. A way to make a Holmes nerd like me happy would be to have a) a plot that actually makes sense, b) pacing and buildup, and c) little things like character development and actual detective work. Also, having Moriarty put a big "M" on everything probably isn't the best idea either.

But no, bad Jess. You're a film critic, don't get weighed down by book nostalgia. Anyways, say what you want about the first movie, at least it made sense. Not a whole lot mind you, but it did. At least it established that Mark Strong had combat training, whereas Moriarty is a "boxing champ" who delivers judo chops and grapples. At least in the last one the amount of henchmen didn't change between shots and there wasn't the stupid fast-slow-fast thing every second. All this combined with schizophrenic direction and editing, I got genuinely dizzy at parts.

Both "Sherlock Holmes" movies are bad examples of Hollywood reboots, but the first actually had Holmes as a detective who stumbles onto something huge, not a wisecracking version of Batman. Seriously, there's no sense of danger (Holmes "dies" around five times), most of the action doesn't have anything to do with anything, and there's this weird undercurrent of homoeroticism. Various parts hint pretty strongly that Holmes is trying to get Watson to marry him instead of his wife. But neither movie is Sherlock Holmes, and this one isn't even a good action movie. Just don't bother.

Albert Nobbs

Rating: 4.5/5

One of my favorite albums is "The Stranger" by Billy Joel. I grew up listening to it, and I've seen Mr. Joel himself play most of the album live. So, as most people familiar with the title track do, I get the message of being yourself. But what if someone put on the face of a stranger and became that person permanently? Where would that leave them, especially if they never took off the mask? Uplifting, or tragic? Shakespearean, or Albert Nobbs?

In early 20th century Ireland, there is a hotel. It isn't the fanciest, but it has Albert Nobbs (Glenn Close), the best waiter in the world. Nobbs is always on time, never screws up, always does more than needed, and is respected and well liked. Albert Nobbs is also a woman who has dressed as a man for the past thirty years. A victim of horrible abuse, Albert has retreated completely into her male identity, and harbors a crush on Helen (Mia Wasikowska), a naive young maid. After meeting another, married, crossdresser (Janet McTeer), Albert decides it's high time she realized her dream.

Albert Nobbs is a beautiful tragedy. It has gorgeous cinematography, costumes, and sets, but it is very melancholic. Albert, whose real name is never revealed, has made a prison within her own clothing. We never see Albert without her tuxedo or male pyjamas, and it's sad. This is a sad story about a woman who has learned to survive in her own sad and strange way. Weirdly enough, it's very good. Here we are presented with a rare kind of film that does not drive us away with its sadness.

The real reason to see the movie though, is for Glenn Close in the title role. I am not familiar with her work at all, but wow. She does such a good job here of making a slightly crazy transvestite incredibly endearing and fascinating to watch, I have no words but wow. The rest of the acting, besides a criminally underused Brendan Gleeson, is also great. Like Mickey Rourke in The Wrestlerm Close holds it together.

Albert Nobbs isn't for everyone. It's a bit weird, there are very cheesy moments, and as I said it's melancholy and the ending is really sad. But Glenn Close is so great as Albert it deserves to be seen. There isn't anything else like it currently out, and there won't be in the near future. And to me, in this world of 3D, sequels, reboots, and remakes, that makes it worthwile.

The Descendants

Rating: 1.5/5

Welcome, my friends, to Oscar season. Expect to see a lot of period dramas, serious character pieces, indie darlings, and films about quirky but happy families that are interrupted but brought closer together as a result. Seriously, look at every year from like 2005 onward and every category, especially the last one, pops up. From the very good The Squid and the Whale a while back to last year's ok The Kids are All Right, these films are commonplace and often pretentious. Here to prove that stereotype is The Descendants; a true example of Oscar Bait.

Matt King (George Clooney) us a wealthy and detached lawyer living in Hawaii whose wife is in a coma after a serious accident. Matt is sitting on top of his a huge plot of land that his cousins want to develop into hotels, but he's not sure. It also turns out that Matt's wife was having an affair with a developer (Matthew Lillard) who has interests in Matt's sale. For the first time, Matt looks at his life and sees the imperfections. Now with the help of his "quirky" daughter (Shailene Woodley) and some unexpected allies, Matt has to work it all out.

The Squid and the Whale, Little Miss Sunshine, The Kids are All Right, Juno, and The Descendants. While individually unique, each film is, at its core, about a seemingly perfect group of upper-middle-class white people who are in transition with one another. Get ready for sex jokes, kids cursing like sailors, one-on-one character development, "eclectic" soundtracks, and old people not getting it. Films like this are released almost every single year around Oscar season, get lauded by major critics, take out full ads in the paper, and don't usually win. And out of all these examples, The Descendants is the most mundane.

I did not like this movie. Every shot, every line of dialog, every character, every performance, and every direction is tantamount to a cookie cutter Oscar film. Each element of The Descendants has been done a million times. But here it just doesn't work. The script and story are completely fake, George Clooney is the same as every drama he's made since Michael Clayton, Shailene Woodley is very annoying, and it's boring. The Descendants is a movie a lot of critics will love, but that does not make it good. This is a film anyone could have made. Combine that with a very cheesy ending, and that's what we have here.

George Clooney wants to win the Oscar for best actor. I believe that is a major reason he made Up In the Air and The Descendants. However Up In the Air featured Clooney as a character with genuine conflict in a story about the real issue of massive corporate downsizing. The Descendants insensitively presents a tragedy as an interruption of the lives of generic characters with superficial conflicts. It's pretentious, very badly acted, obnoxious, and unpleasant to watch.

Hugo

Rating: 5/5

Let's talk about the cinema. Not innovations or the art of film, I mean the cinema. I mean the experience of buying a ticket and popcorn, taking your seat, and losing yourself. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think there's anything else like that experience. Sadly, recent innovations in home theaters and videogames have made a lot of people question the relevance of going to the movies. But I don't think the moviegoing experience will be replaced any time soon, especially when there are films like Hugo.

Hugo Cabret (Asa Butterfield) is a young orphan living in the walls of a 1930's Parisian train station, who keeps the clocks running while avoiding the station inspector (Sacha Baron Cohen) and thereby the orphanage. In his little hideaway, Hugo keeps a small automaton that Hugo tries to fix in memory of his late father (Jude Law), who found it at work. To do so, Hugo steals parts form Georges (Ben Kingsley), a pessimistic old toy shop owner. After Hugo is caught by Georges and loses his father's notebook, he finds a friend in Isabelle (Chloe Moretz), Georges' granddaughter, who introduces him to the outside. Slowly, Hugo and Isabelle find out about Georges' mysterious past with cinema and Hugo's automaton.

In 2010, my favorite film of the year was Toy Story 3. I saw a bunch of other brilliant movie like Inception and True Grit, but nothing topped Toy Story 3. Until now, 2011' TS3 was 13 Assassins, a masterpiece in its own right. Now, it's Hugo. Martin Scorsese's love letter to old film is so brilliant, so magical, it deserves nothing less than Best Picture. Everything about it is perfect: the cinematography is beautiful, with long swooping shots that perfectly sync with the ingenious sets and production design and gorgeous music. Jugo's story and script are unique, enthralling, and remind you how to love the movies. And, anyone can enjoy it.

Unlike most of the films ever made, Hugo leaves none behind, giving every single character a unique arc, backstory, and conflict. Seriously, every single one. Of course, this would not apply if Martin Scorsese did not use all of his brilliance to direct Hugo with the detail and emotion of a Diego Rivera painting. It also helps to have all the of the actors deliver amazing performances, which they do. Asa Butterfield and Chloe Moretz are remarkable, Ben Kingsley is in top form, and Sacha Baron Cohen gives his best dramatic performance ever.

The first movie I ever saw was Toy Story, and I was hooked. I have seen all kinds of films since then, but Toy Story introduced me to movie magic. With Hugo, Scorsese has brought movie magic back to modern cinema. In today's world of gritty reboots and nitpicking everything to death, the fact that Hugo works so well is extraordinary. Never throughout this entire year have I seen such a brilliant film. Other incredible ones have come out, but Hugo is on another level. It is the only movie all year that has come so close to explaining why I love movies. Yes, it's that good. No, let me rephrase: Hugo is magnificent.