The Illusionist Review

Rating: 4/5

Have you ever seen something and hated it? I mean really, really hated it? Not something like The Last Airbender that you know you're gonna dislike, but something that you have hope for, like I did with Transformers 2 and Kick-Ass. When I first saw The Illusionist, I jumped on the hate train. I'm glad I got off.

The Illusionist is the story of an aging French magician, constantly traveling and constantly alone. He tries his best to stay afloat, but with the dawn of the 60's and all that came with it, the magician slowly is becoming irrelevant. After a gig in the Scottish highlands, he meets a young girl, Alice, who is fascinated and amazed by the magician's act and decides to follow him on his travels.

What follows is a series of scenes that are range from funny to beautiful, but are all melancholy. The movie is almost sickeningly upsetting and emotional in some parts. Like I said, at first I despised this movie because I thought it was too sad. All I saw was a poor, aging vaudevillian who was taken advantage of at every turn. But as I thought about it I realized that that's not all this movie is.

In traditional opera and theater, the clown or the fool is often a magician, as well as a tragic character. The same can be said here. The magician in the movie is thanked once, and doesn't have any friends or family. However, in his travels he brings joy to people. To the scots, Alice, his pet rabbit, in the end he gives them something that they need to continue their lives. That is the beauty of the story.

Just like Triplets of Belleville, the hand drawn animation is gorgeous and unique. The sound design is also of note. Everything that moves has a sound and sounds like the object should sound. I thought this kind of production was impossible outside of Studio Ghibli, but I'm glad I was mistaken.

If you're in the mood for something unlike anything else out there, and you're tough enough to stand the overwhelming melancholy, treat yourself to The Illusionist. It's a beautiful story told beautifully. It's not nearly as good as Toy Story, but it's worth your time.

Somewhere Review

Rating: 2.5/5

Depression is not an easy thing to make it through. You could be the most powerful person in the world, and not be able to make a change. Why? Because when you are depressed, you're stuck in a rut. It's happened to both me and people I know, so trust me. It's not that you can't do what you want, it's that you don't want to.

Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff) is a Russell Crowe level actor living in Hollywood's Chateau Marmont Hotel. He has one hanger-on friend (Chris Pontius), and a stream of fast cars and pretty women to keep him occupied. When his young daughter Cleo (Elle Fanning) is dropped suddenly into his life, Johnny, sees an opportunity to make a human connection and improve himself.

The character of Johnny Marco is depressed, that's no doubt. He drives his Ferrari aimlessly, he sleeps a lot, and when he has twin strippers, he barely pays attention. However, the performances of both Johnny and Cleo are never really brought up to anything outstanding. The direction is not as good as other Sofia Coppola movies, and to be honest, it's pretty boring.

Now, Somewhere does present an interesting portrait of depression. Considering that Coppola herself lived in a series of hotels as a child and that her dad was never around, I understand where she's trying to come from. The story never comes together though, and is more of a character study. For me personally, this doesn't work. The movie never gets anywhere, it just stays in the middle of nowhere. Your call.

True Grit Review

Rating: 5/5

Out of all the movies I watch, I really have a soft spot for westerns. High Noon, Tombstone, Shane, I love that stuff. Hell, I've played Red Dead Redemption while listening to Ennio Morricone, and I'd probably wear cowboy boots if I had them. I'm not sure what it is, I just love westerns. In recent years, the western genre has been hit and miss. There's stuff like Appaloosa which is awesome, and stuff like 3:10 to Yuma which is eh. True Grit is directed by the Coen brothers, and therefore, it's awesome.

Marshall Reuben J. "Rooster" Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) is a drunken, chain-smoking old lawman who's seen better years. Rooster is hired by a young Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld) to hunt down Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin), the man who killed her father. On their way, Mattie and Rooster are joined by Texas Ranger La Boef (Matt Damon), and hijinks ensue.

The Coen Brothers are two of my favorite writer-directors, and they certainly don't disappoint here. The dialogue is fantastic, the direction flawless, and the dark humor very funny. Seriously, I've never seen the John Wayne movie, but it can't be as well directed or written as this.

What really makes the movie is the performances. Jeff Bridges, while sometimes hard to understand, is in top form as Rooster, and is just as badass as ever while still being hilarious. Matt Damon is lovable as the slightly foolish La Boef, and Josh Brolin is great as the lowlife scumball Tom Chaney. The most notable performance however, is Hailee Steinfeld. I can't believe this is her first movie. There are vets who can't act as well as she does here.

Overall, True Grit is a great addition to the western genre, as well as the Coen filmography. It is both worth your time and your money.

127 Hours Review

Rating: 5/5

Once, someone tried to argue to me the brilliance of Danny Boyle by talking about the fact that he apparently stands while filming and never sits. That is not a sign of a good director, it's the sign of someone with a lot of stamina. Anyway, my point is that I have mixed opinions about the films of Danny Boyle. His movies range from pretty stupid (28 Days Later), to great (Slumdog Millionaire). Thankfully this is in the latter category.

Aron Ralston (James Franco) is a mountaineering and canyon enthusiast. He periodically goes out on his own, and explores caves and crevices and the like. On one trip, he forgets to bring his swiss army knife, and to leave a note on where he's going. While climbing down a canyon wall, Ralston slips and dislodges a rock, which traps his arm. He then examines his life, and decides to live, no matter what it takes.

127 Hours does something that I haven't seen at all this year. It holds an entire story that's just one guy and a rock. And it does it extremely well. James Franco is superb as Aron, and the claustrophobic cinematography is both gorgeous and terrifying. Seriously, I was so glad it wasn't me in between the rock and the hard place when I was watching this thing.

What's really amazing about the story is just the incredible will to live we see in Ralston. This guy doesn't care if he has to slice all of his limbs off, as long as he can make it back to the people and places he loves. That said, let me address the amputation scene. No, I do not understand why it had people fainting and vomiting. I've seen way gorier (wiki Cannibal Holocaust and Frontier(s).), but this scene is still pretty disturbing. After you've been trhough so much with the guy, you really can feel his pain, and no matter what freaky horror movies are out there, watching a guy snap his tendon is pretty gnarly.

127 Hours is an awesome movie that tells an amazing story in an amazing way. My only complaint is that A.R. Rahman's music is out of place and doesn't fit the mood. The most effective scenes are when there is no music and it's just Franco alone. I say see it, see it, see it.

Black Swan Review

Rating: 5/5

Darren Aronofsky is truly one of the best directors of the new generation. I've never seen Pi or Requiem for a Dream, but The Wrestler is amazing and The Fountain is really underrated. Trust me, if you want to enjoy The Fountain sit down and say "this is gonna be weird" before turning on the movie. Anyway, this is Black Swan, the best thriller I've seen all year.

Nina (Natalie Portman) is a sheltered, immature ballet dancer for the New York ballet. She gets the dream role of swan queen in swan lake, but there's a problem. You see, in many productions of swan lake, the same dancer is both the innocent, virginal white swan and the evil, lustful black swan. Nina has no trouble being perfect as the white swan, but to her director (Vincent Cassel)'s chagrin, she just can't dance the black. Enter Lily (Mila Kunis), who parties, sleeps around, is an overall wild child, and can dance the black swan perfectly. From these two characters spins a truly terrifying drop into insanity.

The first thing I have to mention is how absolutely gorgeous this movie is. The cinematography, the set design, the women and the costumes are all beautiful. Directing-wise it's perfect, and writing wise it's even better. I have never so scared watching a ballerina as I was during some of these scenes. Natalie Portman absolutely deserves best actress for her portrayal of a woman under mind-crushing pressure. Vincent Cassel deserves at least a nomination for supporting actor, and wow, Mila Kunis actually acts in this. Seriously, it's her best performance ever.

What really sucks you into Black Swan however is the atmosphere. It feels like the ballet is a world unto itself. There are numerous parts where you don't know what exactly you are watching, and like I said earlier, it's absolutely terrifying at parts.

Now, before I end this review I have to address the subject of objectification. Yes, it is true that this movie has a lesbian scene. However, unlike what some people think, it is not there for no reason and people who like that scene are not chauvinistic pigs. The lesbian scene has really interesting symbolism in the plot, is an important scene for character development on Portman's part, and yes, it is hot. That scene is not the only reason to go see the movie, and it is definitely not there to lure horny teenagers in.

See, if Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis were constantly topless and there were unnecessary shots of their tuchuses, that would be exploitation of sexuality, and objectification of the two women. It would also mean the movie was way worse. Thankfully that isn't the case in either sense. We don't get a porno, we get a magnificently constructed, beautifully terrifying film that you cannot miss.

The Fighter Review

Rating: 3/5


The thing about boxing movies is that most of them are the same. They're about a funny accented middle class shlub who finally realizes their potential but has to deal with their personal and/or family problems. And there's always a big title fight coming up. Some movies, like Rocky and Raging Bull, are classics, partly because they did it first. Others like Cinderella Man and this movie don't reach the heights of the others, not just because they came later.

Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) is a quiet, shy, and introverted young toughie from Lowell, Massachusetts. His motormouth brother Dickie (Christian Bale) used to be somewhat of a local hero, and even went up against the then famous "Sugar Ray" Leonard. However, Dickie got addicted to crack, and decided to start shoving his dreams on little Micky. Along with a crazy mom and sisters, Micky is the one who sits in the corner while everyone says "right, Micky?" When Charlene, an inspirational bartender, enters Micky's life, he decides that he needs to do well in the ring, with or without Dickie.

Like most movie I find bland, The Fighter is based on a true story. I say bland because with a simple google search can tell you everything you need to know about the story. So, anyone with internet access can find out the end. But for a movie like this, you don't need to know the end, because it's a boxing movie! Anyway, overall, The Fighter is just ok. Mark Wahlberg is, well, Mark Wahlberg, and as usual is flat. Christian Bale on the other hand performs one of his best performances ever as Dickie. He really steals the show. The rest of the cast is fine and gets their job done.

The writing and the directing is where the problem really lies. It's boring, and we don't get invested in Micky at all. I literally found myself wanting to see more of the supporting cast than the main character. There's just no emotion put into anything. The movie wants to be Rocky too badly, and it's shot like a TV movie so it doesn't succeed very well.

From all this critique, you might wonder why I gave The Fighter 3 stars. To this I say: because it's entertaining and harmless. While I wouldn't want to see the movie again, I enjoyed it. Your call.

Tron: Legacy Review

Rating: 4/5

Once the rumors for this movie started popping up, people, including myself, were excited. I was also worried because if you've ever seen the original Tron, you'll know that it's not exactly a classic. But all of a sudden, cool stuff happened. Legacy was going to use Avatar's 3D, and Daft Punk was doing the soundtrack! Suddenly, I wasn't scared. Let's see if I should've been.

Sam Flynn is the son of Kevin Flynn, hero of the original Tron. His father disappeared in 1989, so Sam has had over 20 years to grow up on his own. He's 27 and he's more than a little wild with his dad's old company. However, this makes sense, because Sam had no mother to take care of him, and was distant from his grandparents. He just never grew up. Anyway, Sam is trying to find clues about his dad's disappearance, and accidentally fires up the same laser that transported his dad into the game world. From then on, Sam is in the "Grid," and has to free an entire digital world, not just his digital daddy.

Tron: Legacy is one of the few sequels that doesn't have much to live up to. The original Tron was a box office bust that was criticized for having great effects but a weak story. This is a fair criticism, because a movie, like a video game, cannot simply stand up on how pretty it looks. For every Avatar there has to be an Alice in Wonderland, if you know what I mean. In my opinion the original Tron had a lot of great ideas that it didn't bother touching on and focused too much on the wandering through the computer lands than it did characters or plot.

Legacy tries to handle action, story, characters, and effects, and succeeds pretty well. The story ranges from meh to cool, and thankfully never gets too silly or boring. While the characters aren't particularly developed and some are next to useless Michael Sheen, everyone does a fine job with what they're given. The action, while far between, is pretty badass and never disappointed me.

Now, what you really want to hear about is the CGI and the music. Let me tell you that they are the best parts of the film. The CGI is beyond gorgeous, with extremely smooth animations and a slick, modern look. This is helped by the 3D, which makes everything so unholily clear that I almost (almost) felt like I was there a couple of times. CLU 2.0 looks great, and to be honest I didn't even realize he was CGI until I noticed something weird about his eyes. Daft Punk proves they can conduct beautiful and epic classical music as well as awesome and futuristic techno, and their score really brings the movie to being an experience more than popcorn entertainment.

Tron: Legacy is definitely better than its predecessor, and is one of the few really fun movies I've seen all year. It's competently acted, written and directed, has the best effects and 3D I've seen since Avatar, and probably has the best soundtrack of the year. I'm not sure I'll see it again immediately, but I did enjoy it. Now, is it great? No. Overall this movie is a solid B+. I say see it, but before I conclude this 6th paragraph, let me mention something. Like with Avatar, people have crawled out of the woodwork saying that because the story isn't great, the whole movie is terrible and should be shunned and its creators murdered for not meeting these fanboys' standards. Just remember this: Tron: Legacy is not a movie meant to move you, touch you, or change the way you look at the world. It is a movie meant to take you into a world where computer programs laugh and die just like us, and motorcycles shoot lasers that turn into walls. It's meant to show you a spectacle and for you to say "wow that's cool." Remember that, and I'm sure you'll enjoy Tron: Legacy.

I Love You Phillip Morris Review

Rating: 4/5

I am proud to say that I have gay friends. I hang out with my gay friends like I hang out with my straight friends, and I don't mind any of their "quirks" or whatever. That is part of the reason I liked this movie so much.

Steven Russell is a person with a lot of issues. He was abandoned by his real mother, he never fit in as a kid, and he lives an extremely mundane and boring life. One day everything changes when Russell is in a car crash. From that moment on he realizes his latent homosexuality and moves to Florida. Unfortunately, Russell finds that being gay can get very expensive, so he does what most people would: he becomes a con man.

Eventually, Russell's escapades catch up with him and he goes to prison. There, he meets young, soft-spoken Phillip Morris, and it's love at first sight. From that moment on, Russell decides he will do anything to be with Phillip and you guessed it, hijinks ensue.

Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor are both fantastic in their respective roles. Both actors are charming, natural, funny, and sympathetic. The writing maintains tone and a good pace, and the directing is overall solid. There are gay moments, funny moments, dramatic moments, sad moments, and flat-out touching moments, but overal they create one beautifully told, fun story.

Is this movie deserving of best picture? No. Will either actor even get nominated? Probably not. However, is it worth your money? Absolutely. Out of all the crap I've sat through this year, I Love You Phillip Morris is one of the few that manages to distinguish itself while sailing above stuff like Kick-Ass and Last Airbender. I highly recommend it.

Tangled Review

Rating: 4/5

I can't believe it. Tangled is Disney's 50th animated feature. I can't believe it. Only 50? I thought there were waaaay more. I guess not counting Song of the South counts for two. Anyway, let's jump into the big D's 50th animated film, Tangled.

Flynn Ryder is a scoundrel, no two buts about it. He lies, cheats, betrays, and sure as hell steals. Rapunzel has been locked in a tower by her crazy "mom" for the last 18 years. Oh yeah, and Rapunzel has magic hair that keeps her "mom" young, and her "mom" is an evil old woman who stole Rapunzel from her true parents, the king and queen. Anyway, Flynn hides himself in Rapunzel's tower, but she takes his stolen treasure, and promises to only return it if he takes her to see the world. He agrees, and hijinks ensue.

When I first sat down in the theatre, I didn't know what to expect from this movie. When Rapunzel and her evil kidnapper start singing, I thought I was in trouble. I was wrong. Ignoring the bland and not very good musical numbers, Tangled is a heartfelt, funny, and very entertaining movie. It's not a classic by any means, but let's just say I was pleasantly surprised.

Mandy Moore and Zachary Levi are very good and very funny in their roles, as is whoever played the evil mother. The writing is fast, snappy, and funny. Even though I can see that Disney wanted to go back to basics for the big 5-0, Tangled is pretty different. It's not a spunky princess who realizes the error of her ways and becomes the good wife, it's the opposite. Instead of 2D it's 3D animation, and the movie has no parental deaths.

That said, the death of the main villain is one of the most violent I've seen in a Disney movie since Clayton got strangled in front of us in Tarzan. This just shows that the movie does not treat its audience like sheltered little scaredy-cats, and that a little traumatization is ok every now and then. Overall, without the songs I would've loved Tangled. With them, I just liked it a lot. See it.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 Review

Rating: 3/5

There truly has never been a franchise like Harry Potter. Seven full-length books turned into eight feature films that have been released over the past 10 years, all with one cast telling one story. After part two of this epic finale, the story won't just be ending, but the franchise will as well.

Harry Potter 7 Part One features everyone's favorite boy wizard still on the hunt for the thing that will destroy Voldemort forever. The Death Eaters are on the move, family members are hurt, and in all this is the end of puberty.

Yes, the obnoxious girl troubles that took up 99.9 percent of the last movie are still there, but thankfully not as prominent. However, this time David Yates focuses on the whining of the three main characters. Instead of moving on, there are several scenes simply dedicated to developing characters everyone already knows and loves.

My main problem with both this movie and all the HP's since HP4 has been Ray Fiennes as Voldemort. He talks like an effeminate man with a whole in his throat and just overall isn't threatening to me. He just talks about killing Harry and barely shows his noseless face in real action. Speaking of that, the action scenes here are pretty good. Instead of just having Death Eaters blow crap up, they're really organized now and attack like they are truly dangerous.

The cinematography is quite good, the acting is the same as usual, the writing is good, Emma Watson is still very pretty, but for some reason, the special effects haven't improved since the second one. Dobby and Kreacher look EXACTLY THE SAME as they did in their respective first appearances. Anyway, while this isn't the worst Harry Potter (HP6 takes that one), it's definitely not the best either (that's HP3). As someone who's read the books and seen every movie, I'm kind of tired of it. Go see it just to complete the saga.

Unstoppable Review

Rating: 1/5

Tony and Ridley Scott are brothers, directors, and complete opposites. Ridley uses an excess of slow-motion, swords, and Russel Crowe, but can tell a story well and has a good track record. Tony uses an excess of explosions, vengeance, and cannot tell a story without action, and has an ok track record. If you don't get what I'm saying, let me put it like this: Ridley directed Alien and Gladiator, and Tony directed Top Gun and Beverly Hills Cop 2.

Denzel Washington and Chris Pine are Denzel Washington and Will Colson respectively, two train yard workers in southern Pennsylvania. After another worker makes a careless blunder, an unmanned train full of hazardous chemicals is let loose, and it is gaining speed and heading towards a highly populated area. And you guessed it, Will and Denzel are the only ones who can stop it.

The story is the first problem. Tony Scott needs action, and it is basically impossible to make pulse-pounding action with a TRAIN. The acting is boring, Denzel plays an unbelievable Mr. Miyagi of trains, and Chris Pine looks like he's embarrassed to be in it. The script is unbelievable......y awful. I don't understand why they hired who they did, because they did not do a good job. Sublots make no sense, characters are idiotic stereotypes, and somehow the news knows all the personal information about everybody in the movie.

Overall, besides some pretty intense train scenes at the end, Unstoppable sucks. It's badly written, miscast, mis-crewed, and BORING. Seriously, I almost fell asleep. Don't give this movie money, because the way everything is a franchise now, I really don't want to see an "Unstoppable Part II: The Revenge."

Monsters Review

Rating: 4/5

I'd like you imagine something for me. Imagine yourself in one of those funky walkthrough zoos. Imagine you're walking through one of the exhibits with your friends, family, a tour guide, whatever. Now imagine that you hear a noise. The noise gets louder, and trees begin to move. You look up and see a hundred foot tall creature, with octopus-like tentacles and a mysterious glow in its center. Whatever it is, it's like nothing on earth. You don't move, and the creature might notice you, but it barely gives you any attention, and moves on. This isn't an invasion, or a radioactive beast from Japan. This is an animal in nature.

Moving on, in the near future, NASA sent a probe to a moon of Pluto, and it brought something back. Six years later, the north half of Mexico is "the infected zone," and whatever NASA brought back has made itself at home. America quickly built a wall to keep the infection out, leaving Mexico to its own devices. Andrew Kaulder is a journalist instructed to bring his boss' daughter back to the U.S. After a series of setbacks, the two have to cross through the infected zone in order to get home.

First things first: despite the title, this is not a monster movie. It is for this reason that a lot of people will not like it. Another reason is that the creatures themselves don't do a lot of destroying. However, saying this movie sucks because the two main characters are annoying and the monsters aren't "monstrous" enough is an argument one kind of person will use: fanboys. The reason for this is because fanboys of alien movies like District 9 and...Alien need to have human-esque aliens, or at least threatening ones. These aliens look nothing like humans, and don't attack anyone unless attacked first. As a result, most negative reviews are fanboy reviews, so please, ignore them.

Anyway, director Gareth Edwards makes a shockingly unique and interesting portrayal of alien life forms. The squiddy things in this movie are not intelligent, nor are they hostile. They simply are life from another planet. Edwards asks us to imagine what it would be like if those yak things the Tusken Raiders ride on in Star Wars roamed the earth instead of Jawas. These aliens are animals, plain and simple, and we refuse to adapt to them.

What this movie really is is a romantic drama with aliens. Both Scoot McNairy and Whitney Able are very convincing and act/look like normal people would. The effects of the rarely seen (which adds to the mystery) monsters are also good, especially considering one guy did it by himself. The script is a bit slow at times, but knows where it's going and what it wants to be. The only problem I had was the ending. It takes place immediately after a fascinating and beautiful scene, and is lackluster. Overall, if you can find this movie near you and you're willing to not see it as a fanboy or with one, go see Monsters.

Megamind Review

Rating: 3/5

You know, thinking about Superman, he doesn't do much. To be honest he's a bit of an arrogant jerk who does nothing except keep the status quo in check. Superman doesn't fight the LRA in Sierra Leone, or try and find Osama Bin Laden, or save the environment from catastrophe, or try to cure diseases. That said, let's dive into Megamind.

Megamind is a flashy supervillain who likes 80's hits and is constantly in conflict with Metro Man, the hero of his city. One day, a plan mysteriously goes right, and Megamind kills his superhero. Suddenly, the big-brained villain has no purpose. He sets out and creates a new hero. However, Megamind's new hope decides that being evil is more fun, and Megamind has to step up to the plate.

This movie is interesting in two ways. One, it asks the audience the question: are supervillains bad, or were they just bullied by the heroes in school? Two: what does a villain do after they take over the world? Play Call of Duty all day? Both concepts however are undermined by the script, which doesn't trust itself or its audience and aims very kiddie.

Despite the slapstick and the humor of Megamind's mispronunciations, there is stuff for us old folk. For example, a very funny Marlon Brando from the first Superman movie parody, and some good old fashioned violence. Overall, Megamind isn't great, it's not as good as Despicable Me, but not terrible. It just is what it is, but it aims to low.

Due Date Review

Rating: 2/5


I would really like to tell you that Due Date is super funny, is as memorable as The Hangover, and that you should go see it. However, if I did, I would go to hell for lying.

Robert Downey jr. is Peter Highmam, an architect trying to get back to LA so he can see the birth of his child. After an incident with aspiring actor and professional eccentric Ethan Tremblay, (Zach Galifanakis), Peter ends up on the no fly list and has to hitch a ride with Zach across the country, and of course, hijinks ensue.

Now, this SHOULD be the part where I say the funny parts, but again, I'd rather not go to hell. This movie is just not funny. At all. Ever. It's almost at Date Movie level, but I wouldn't go that far. The script is boring, uninteresting, and has no good jokes or funny situation. I'm honestly confused at some of the gags, because I have no idea who would find them funny. What's funny about car crashes? Or adultery? Or animal abuse? The script doesn't even try!

The actors try to make the best of it, but RDJ is a completely unlikable dick, and Galifanakis comes off more as pathetic than funny.

Overall, I'm surprised this movie isn't starring an SNL star and a Baldwin who isn't Alec. Go see Machete if you can find it, or Megamind, but don't see Due Date. It just isn't good.

The Town Review

Rating: 3/5

This movie took me forever see, and I was bombarded up until now with positive reviews from critics and friends alike. To be honest, I was pretty exited about it. So, I finally saw it. And....it was ok.

Ben Affleck directs as well as stars as Doug McCray, a Bostonion bank robber who just wants to make it. One day, he and his crew rob a bank, and take the manager, Claire, as a hostage. To play it safe, Doug's crew has him follow Claire to make sure she doesn't bust them. And wouldn't you know it, they fall for each other.

On the other side is Jon Hamm AKA the coolest guy ever as FBI agent Frawley, who is trying to catch the robbers. The performances are....mixed. Ben Affleck and Jeremy Renner especially are good, and Jon Hamm portrays a very serious, not messing around guy very well. However, Rebecca Hall is kind of flat as claire, and Blake Lively chews the scenery in every scene she's in, even her sex scene.

The directing is impressive, but the script falters in a few places, and leaves some big holes. For example, if Doug is known to be the son of a bank robber who hangs out with other bank robbers, how does he not have a tail on him? Either way, I didn't love The Town enough to recommend it, and I didn't hate it enough to shout stay away. This is your call.

The Social Network Review

Rating: 3.5/5

I never really thought about Mark Zuckerberg. I am glad he invented facebook, and obviously I'm writing this on facebook, but I never thought about his story. Well, I saw The Social Network in a sweaty Las Vegas theatre and here's my impression.

Mark Zuckerberg is a socially awkward computer whiz at Harvard in 2003. After getting in trouble for causing the Harvard network to crash and being propositioned by three other students to create a Harvard-based dating website, Mark gets an idea. This idea is "The Facebook," an exclusive website for students, that basically takes the social experience of school and puts it online.

What follows then is a series of events that all lead up to Zuckerberg being sued by various people, including his best friend. Let me get one thing straight, I enjoyed this movie. I didn't love it though. Remember, this is all opinion. For me, nothing really stood out as excellent or impressive. The script was the best part overall, and the dialogue was good, but not great.

How's the acting? Good, actually. Jesse Eisenberg continues to prove he's a better actor than Michael Cera, Justin Timberlake continues to make up for N'Sync, and wow is Andrew Garfield skinny. Armie Hammer is also great, playing two roles as twins. On the other side of things, David Fincher isn't exactly in top form here. In my opinion, he works best on dark, super violent stuff like Se7en and Fight Club, not dramas like this or Benjamin Button.

Overall, The Social Network is far from the best movie of the year, and I wouldn't vote for it in the Oscars, but I think it's worth seeing. It's most unique feature is the fact that this movie is made for people my age and in my generation, and doesn't talk down to them or tease their intelligence. There should be more movies like this in that respect.

RED Review

Rating: 4/5

I bet that whenever Bruce Willis hears about a new character in a comic book or a novel or something that's described as a bald, aging badass with a penchant for one-liners, he just smiles and waits for the call. Because he'll play that character eventually, we all know it's just a matter of time.

Frank Moses is a retired CIA agent, who is well, bored with it. His only interesting activity is talking to his financial lady, Sarah. One night, a team of assassins go after Frank, and some of his friends. As you might guess, it doesn't go well. So, Frank has to get his retired and extremely dangerous (ha-HA, I see watcha did there) buddies and find out why someone wants them dead.

Now, how's the directing? It's just ok. The editing also is weirdly choppy at times, and probably could've been a little more precise if you catch my drift. Scriptwise it's quick, snappy, and well paced. The lines are funny, the characters are all well developed, and it never loses its place.

The acting is, well what'd you expect from Morgan Freeman, Bruce Willis, Karl Urban, John Malkovich and Helen Mirren?? They all play their parts perfectly, especially Helen Mirren and Malkovich, who are both hilarious. The action is very well done, and to be honest you really can't get much cooler than Helen Mirren with a machine gun or John Malkovich batting grenades like baseballs.

Beyond all the action, the movie really does give you a sense that Frank's civilian life is what the life of Demolition Man or Commando would look like in the future. They even show off the retired old Russian villain, which is insanely funny. Overall, Red is extremely entertaining, very smart and very, very funny. I enjoyed it a great deal, and so should you. Check it out.

Jackass 3-D Review

Rating: 3/5

Hi, my name is Jess Linde and this is a review of Jackass 3D.

I know people on both sides of the Jackass border. I know people who love it and watch it all the time. I also know people who hate it and refuse to talk about it at all. I've always been in the middle. I never watched the show and I haven't seen the first two movies, so keep that in mind.

Now first of all, the 3D actually works in terms of depth and clarity. A lot of the skits I feel like wouldn't have been as interesting without the added visual flair. Unfortunately, (or fortunately depending on your taste) this also means that every penis and every turd is in glorious high definition.

Now, onto the sketches. I'm a teenager, so when a friend of mine gets hit in the crotch or falls off of his chair, I'm gonna laugh. When Johnny Knoxville gets rammed by a buffalo, I'll laugh. When a group of dwarves have a bar fight complete with dwarf cops and dwarf paramedics, you bet I'll laugh.

That all said, I can see why I'd enjoy watching Jackass more as a syndicated show than I did watching this movie. Maybe it's because I'm not a hardcore fan, but I can't really handle watching sketch after sketch after sketch. Either way, I laughed at many points during Jackass 3D, and even though I can't really justify spending $15.75, I recommend it. For the guys.

Catfish Review

Rating: 3/5

I know someone who has been tricked in an online relationship. It was a pretty upsetting experience for them. Catfish examines what you do if you take the relationship into your own hands, and don't like what you find.

Yanev "Nev" Shulman is a photographer in New York. He shares an office with his brother, Ariel, and his friend, Henry, who are filmmakers. When one of Nev's photos is turned into a painting by a supposed 8-year-old prodigy, he slowly gets involved with the girl, Abby, and her family, supposedly a family of artistic, beautiful people.

To the audience, the story sounds ridiculous. However, Nev, Ariel, and Henry fall for it, hook line and sinker. It's truly fascinating to see a person who seems perfectly rational and smart to go so far into something with someone he's never met.

Now of course, there is a twist at the end. It isn't scary. It isn't "a feeling you can't shake for days." And no, it doesn't turn out to be a super intelligent catfish. To be honest, the twist is a really fascinating look into human reactionary nature, and it's also kind of sad. Overall, Catfish isn't great, or mind blowing, it's just decent. I recommend it, but whatevs.

My Soul To Take Review

Rating: 1/5

For those of you who don't know, Wes Craven invented and directed A Nightmare on Elm Street, as well as Scream 1-3. And hey, Scream 4 comes out next year! If you're excited, that's good, but whatever you do, DO NOT go see My Soul to Take. It will destroy your desire to see Scream 4, and make you forget about Nightmare.

"Bug" (I don't remember his real name) is one of seven children born on the night the Riverton Ripper, a "mass murderer" who killed a mind blowing 7 people was killed. As it turns out, he's also the Ripper's son. Apparently, the ripper had multiple personalities, and each one went into one of the various children. But wait, they didn't find his body.....never mind forget that he's dead.

This movie takes place in a magical land known as Riverton, Massachusetts, where cops instinctively know to check for knife wounds when a body is determined to have fallen off a bridge. A land where serial killers outright shout their name and go "blaaaah!!" A land where people get stabbed, and there's no tear in their clothes, and after a person is clearly lifted and has their brain crunched or something, sending blood everywhere, their body is spotless.

Riverton's magical attributes also include 16 year olds who are so desperate for a blow job that they chase people through the woods, and puns that make you want to cut your ears off. In all seriousness, this movie has continuity errors up the wazoo, DREADFUL dialogue, DREADFUL acting, DREADFUL directing, and DREADFUL camerawork. Also, the worst 3D conversion I've ever seen, like ever. Also, there's some sort of weird social revolution in the highschool subplot involving a girl named Fang (really) and a blind kid. It's clearly been a looooong time since Wes Craven went to high school.

Overall, this movie is pretty damn horrendous. Why isn't it 1/2 a star? Why am I going to recommend it? Because it's the best comedy of the year. Wait until it's not in 3D and on DVD, then rent it for a good laugh.

Devil Review

Rating: 3/5

If Devil came out in 1976, was produced by Roger Corman, and was called "Hellevator," it would be remembered as a cult classic. However, it came out in 2010, is called Devil, and was produced by everyone's favorite guy, M. Knight Shyamalan. Wait a minute.....it doesn't suck???

5 seemingly unrelated strangers are trapped in an elevator, and it seems like something beyond the realm of men is trying to keep the cops out. Combine that with the past sins of each character, as well as the TITLE OF THE MOVIE, and I think you can figure out who else is along for the ride.

Overall, this movie is just ok. None of the characters are really developed, but they are pretty intriguing. For a while, there's a real mystery to which one is el diablo, and to be honest, I was surprised by the big reveal. Also, the addition of the hard-boiled-yet-troubled detective was a great decision to add, and is a good balance.

On the other hand, the ending is a massive cop out, the message is absolute bull, and at the beginning a big shining "#1" shows. Why couldn't this just be a fun little thriller? Why does EVERYTHING have to be a franchise nowadays? I digress. The biggest problem this movie has is that it tries to make you feel the paranoia inside the elevator, but the story is in real time, so technically the victims have only been in there for the length of the movie, about an hour and a half. I understand that the whole satan thing would help with freaking you out, but I just didn't feel it.

To be honest, I was pleasantly surprised by Devil. Is it as good as Last Exorcism? No. Is it as bad as The Happening? No. I enjoyed myself, so try it out.

Machete Review

Rating: 4.5/5

Robert Rodriguez. I honestly don't know what to think of him. He makes classics like Desperado and Sin City, and then he makes Spy Kids 3 and Shorts. Well, thank god he's making movies like the former again.

This is Machete, 4th incredible movie of 2010 (the other 3 being Scott Pilgrim, Inception, and Toy Story 3, but I digress), an boy is it a winner in every way.

Danny Trejo is Machete, an ex-federale who is chased out of Mexico by a drug lord, and is reduced to illegal immigrant work. Jeff Fahey hires him to assassinate a racist senator, but Machete is betrayed, and now he has to go on a journey of vengeance filled with sex, blood, and explosions.

I'm going to address each part that makes this movie so great. There are 5 parts so get ready. 1: the violence. Decapitations, shootings, disemboweling, I'm talking buckets of blood, and done in a tasteful way unlike Piranha. It's awesome.

2: the sex. Damn do these chicks look good. 3: the acting. All perfect, from Don Johnson to Cheech Marin to Lindsay Lohan. 4: the characters. Steven Seagal is a Mexican drug lord and Cheech is a shotgun wielding priest. Nuff said.

And 5: the story/message. The story seems to be just standard exploitation fare, but in reality is a huge step to the left in one of America's most heated political topics. It's basically a huge middle finger to the right wing, and I wouldn't have it any other way. Go see this movie. Now. Like seriously, stop reading, and go see Machete a million times.

Takers Review

Rating: 2.5/10

Let me put to rest the fears that I didn't like this movie because I'm more of a rocker guy, and I would've liked it more if it had Bruce Springsteen or something. I like hip-hop. Classic hip hop. Lil Wayne, Drake, T-Pain, that kinda stuff doesn't do it for me. And to be honest, rappers are better actors than rockers. I mean, Mos Def and Common are awesome, and we can't forget Queen Latifah and Eminem and even Tupac.

As for rockers and pop stars, it's pretty much the opposite. Does anyone remember Madonna's acting career? Or Sting? Even Neil Diamond made a crappy movie. Anyway, on to Takers.

The Takers are a group of 5 badass bank robbers who get the money, the wine, and you bet they get the women. Matt Dillon is a "hard-boiled" detective who wants to catch them. In the middle of all this is Ghost, a recently released from jail, former Taker, who threatens to not only make the Takers a ton of money, but get them all killed because he's crazy. Sounds like the premise of a good action movie if you ask me.

Too bad that the whole thing is so obnoxiously average. How's the acting? Idris Elba is good, T.I. is over the top, Matt Dillon does his best Christian Bale impression, and of course, Paul Walker and Hayden Christensen show about 3-4 emotions apiece. There's no character development and it doesn't make much sense at times, but it's not as bad as Salt or even Tokyo Drift.

The script is cliched and you can tell what's going to happen to each character as soon as they walk in the room. The whole thing is shot like a cheesy music video, and while some of the action is ok, most of it is so shaky cam that you can't really tell what's happening.

Overall, Takers is a prime example of something that's so OK that you can't hate it. It's not good, not at all, but it's not bad either. What it ends up being is a cheesy action-drama that any director could have made in about 10 minutes with the same kind of script and characters. That may be fine for some people, it isn't for me, and I ended up being bored.

The Last Exorcism Review

Rating: 3/5

The idea of "found footage" movies kind of annoy me. I mean, if quarantine even tried to be real, why didn't they do a like investigation or a fake newspaper? And if Blair Witch was such a serious thing, why didn't the police get involved? And in Cloverfield, how were they people still holding a camera??

Ok rant over. Cotton Marcus is a faith challenged minister who wants to prove that while Christianity and god are real, exorcism is a bunch of hooey. Then, he gets a letter from the Sweetzer farm, the patriarch of which claims his daughter Nell is possessed by Satan himself. Cotton travels with a hired crew to the farm, in order to document proof that exorcism as a practice is all a pile of BS.

After the first "exorcism," everything seems to be going fine. But then, weird things start happening. Nell is getting up at night and screaming. They have video evidence of her killing livestock, and suddenly Cotton starts to believe a little more in demonology. This is usually the part where I talk about how freaky the movie gets, but I'd be lying.

Maybe I have to see it again at midnight or something, but The Last Exorcism is not scary. It creates a great atmosphere of dread of what might happen, but never really follows through. Now, how are the characters? Engaging and realistic. How's the acting? Great. Is it written well? You betcha. How's the camerawork? Realistic. It just didn't scare me or creep me out or anything.

Overall I blame the non-scaryness on 3 things. 1: I saw it in the day time. 2: during creepy parts, cheesy horror music suddenly comes in. 3: the ending comes completely out of left field, doesn't make sense in the context of the movie, and is just stupid. I leave the final decision to see it or not up to you.

Piranha 3D Review

Rating: 2/5

Fishsploitation movies (which is a genre) have been around since Jaws, but is a slowly dying breed, along with most animal-related, not Peter Jackson directed, not King Kong movies. "Piranha 3D" tries to bring back this genre, along with tongue in cheek shlock horror. Spoilers: it doesn't.

It's spring break, and the party is in full swing. Unfortunately, a legion of prehistoric piranhas have different plan, and orgy of babes, blood, and bad acting begins. Here is what the film attempts to use to make itself shlocky, and fails at.

1) Having silly dialogue and situations. The dialogue is just dumb. 2) Cheesy acting. nuff said. 3) An extreme amount of nudity. Actually, no real complaints here. 4) Cheesy effects. Instead of being cheesy in a funny way like in Drag Me to Hell, they're cheesy in a tacky way.

And finally, 5) An unbelievable amount of gore. This is where I stopped liking the movie. Because instead of having so much gore it's silly, there's so much gore it's just gross. Mostly because of how horrifically realistic a lot of it is. Also, the characters don't react like horror movie victims. They react like actual people, which is disturbing.

I don't want to see a sobbing and bloody woman crawl out of the water missing half her leg. I don't need to see the horrified look in a young man's eyes as he bleeds to death. I don't need to see a 35 minute long eating scene with NO CUTS in a supposed horror comedy. Also, the gore just feels like it's there to cover up all the other flaws.

Overall, I walked in to Piranha 3D wanting a so bad its hilarious horror comedy. What I got was a horrifically violent movie that didn't want people to realize how bad it is. When Eli Roth showed up in a cameo as a very funny wet t-shirt contest host, I actually started to have some hope for the movie. Then, a man's CGI "tool" is chewed up and spit out by two piranhas in front of our eyes, in 3D, in full detail.

Tales from Earthsea Review

Rating: 2/5

I love Hayao Miyazaki. I love every single one of his movies. I've seen each one, I go to see the new ones when they come out, and I love them. I love the animation, the stories, the characters, everything. I even loved Ponyo, which most people didn't.

Hell, I even love the non Miyazaki-directed Studio Ghibli movies, like The Cat Returns. When I heard that Miyazaki's son's debut film was FINALLY being released in America, I got excited. My mom bought the tickets, I opened my reeses pieces, and I went to see it at my favorite theatre, The Landmark in LA.

Now to be honest, I didn't expect young Goro to live up to his dad. But what I did expect, was a coherent plot, good voices, beautifully detailed animation, and original storytelling. I got none of these.

Don't get me wrong, Tales From Earthsea isn't horrible. Salt is horrible. This is just mediocre in every way. Besides Willem DaFoe, the actors just phone it in. The story doesn't make any sense, we know nothing about the world it's set in, and there's no real point.

Now don't get me wrong, the animation at times is gorgeous. There just isn't a lot of it. In Porco Rosso, when the planes fly across fields, you see individual blades of grass blowing along with wind lines. In this, you just see wind lines across a painted field. There's one scene when the main character Arren is offered a piece of bread. Suddenly, the film cuts to Arren eating. If Hayao had done the movie, Arren would've reached, then hesitated, then grabbed the bread and began eating it. My point is that the detail I've come to expect from Ghibli is absent.

Now, this is the 5th paragraph, and you guys should be out seeing Scott Pilgrim or the Expendables, so I'll wrap up. Earthsea has no environmental message like the rest of the Ghibli films, instead it tries to pack in patricide, rape, child abuse, psychopathic tendencies, slavery, death anxiety, abuse of power, disease, and multiple personality disorders in one bag, and it doesn't work. It's a mediocre mess and a huge disappointment from Studio Ghibli, even if the director is inexperienced. Overall, if you're into mediocre, generic fantasy anime, check this out, but otherwise, catch the next dragon to a different movie.

Scott Pilgrim vs. The World Review

Rating: 4.5/5

The Short Version:
Scott Pilgrim is one of the most original, funny, action packed, and good movies of the year.

The Long Version:
Though many people have told me they're tired of him, I like Michael Cera. With the exception of Juno, I've really enjoyed his movies. Sure he's pretty much the same every time, but he's charming, at least to me. Luckily, this doesn't change here.

Scott Pilgrim is a 22-year-old unemployed Toronto bassist who's is literally just shy of being just another obnoxious hipster. He seems innocent enough, but in reality, Scott is immature, selfish, and manipulative. And yet, when he has to defend his honor and fight his new GF's evil exes, we root for him all the way.

What makes this movie so worth seeing is the characters. From Scott, to Scott's friends, to Ramona's evil exes, they're all extremely well written and very funny. My personal favorites are Kieran Culkin as Wallace Wells and Brandon Routh as Todd respectively. But anyway, another cool thing is the way it's shot. It feels like an indie movie, but isn't, which gives the whole movie a really personal and relatable feel.

Also, the videogamey parts may seem weird and nerdy to most people, but they give the movie it's own sense of charm. It's a celebration of everything "trendy" in pop culture today, as well as a satire. Overall, the actors are all good, the writing is good, the directing is good, the fights are awesome, and you should give Scott Pilgrim vs The World your money instead of Eat Pray Love.

The Expendables Review

Rating: 4/5

I don't want to waste time reviewing this, because you should be seeing it. It's not as good as Commando, or Demolition Man, or even Rambo 4. What it is, is a big dumb silly awesome action movie with a great cast and a hilarious cameo (which should've been bigger) from the governator/Bruce Willis. Most critics say don't see it, but I say do. It's awesome.

Salt Review

Rating: 1/5

In all honesty, I've never been the biggest fan of spy movies. James Bond is fun but not my favorite, however I do like action movies. One of my favorites from the last 10 years is the Bourne Trilogy. They're serious, realistic(ish) and just plain cool.

Now we come to Salt, a movie that wants to be Bourne, but fails. Evelyn Salt is celebrating her anniversary with her arachnologist husband, but before she can leave, she has to interrogate a Russian defector spy. Wait, we're still fighting the Russians? Anyway, the spy informs them that Salt is a Russian spy who was programmed from a young age to murder the Russian president and help bring down America.

So...basically....this movie has a hangover from the Cold War. By which I mean, there's no way this movie could have been written before the Cold War ended. For E.G., when Salt is first accused of being a Russian spy by a person who, by all means and records, does not exist in the world of espionage and shouldn't be trusted, what's the CIA's first reaction? Detain her because of the possible risk.

What brilliant plan do the Russians, who apparently still need to rise from the ashes in 2010, have to destroy America? Simple: NUKE THE SAUDIS AND THE IRANIANS. Yes, because both countries (who are NOT nuclear at the moment to my knowledge) have giant, America whooping armies. Also, according to this world, being a highly-respected spider scientist from the WEST means you have all access to NORTH KOREA, and that one skinny blonde woman can take down a legion of armed guards. 'nuff said.

Dinner For Schmucks Review

Rating: 4/5

Note: I've never seen the original French film, nor did I hear of it until recently.

Dinner For Schmucks is the story of Tim Conrad, a financier who, in order to impress his boss, must bring an unsuspecting idiot to a corporate dinner in order to make fun of him. Whoever brings the biggest buffoon wins the promotion.

Enter Steve Carell as Barry, an IRS agent, and Tim's fool of choice. After the characters and dinner are introduced, you guessed it, hijinks ensue. And thankfully, most of these hijinks are pretty damn funny.

Though most of the humor tries to be awkward humor, which does not always work, there are enough genuinely funny jokes and situations to carry the movie. However, I think that Steve Carell's back must be hurting. Why? Because HE carries the movie. Even though the cast is all good, whenever Barry is on screen you have to watch him. Other great characters are Zach Galifianakis and Jemaine Clement, the latter of whom I wish had more screen time.

All in all, while it is a bit cheesy, Dinner For Schmucks is funny, and I enjoyed it. Try it out.

The Last Airbender Review

Rating: .5/5

A warning: usually I try to critique a movie, but this is a rant.


I have to congratulate Mr Shyamalan. He is the first filmmaker since Michael Bay to make a movie that has warranted half a star on my scale. For those of you who don't know, half a star on my scale means that the film in question is unwatchable/so bad it's BAD. Let's jump in shall we?

The Last Airbender's first failing is that it tries to condense a 15+ episode first season of the show into 90 minutes. This ends up being the films downfall because there's no character or story development, endless exposition, and one huge event after another. This isn't helped by the fact that the actors are TERRIBLE!! Seriously, there was not one moment that I believed in any if these actors!

Dialogue? What dialogue? Effects? Sloppy! Direction? Laughable! Fight scenes? I've seen better Kung fu in Power Rangers!! None of the effects match the movements of the actors! Never!! Also, going back to my statement about the actors, the only one who even tries is Dev Patel, but he can't bring life to the lines.

Also, all the energy and life that the cartoon had is gone. The movie takes itself extremely seriously, and as a result the Studio Ghibli style feeling of magic just isn't their. The experience just doesn't feel fantastical like it should feel.

Overall, The Last Airbender is a truly painful experience. Giving money to see it is like thanking the person who just burned down your house. Please, please don't see this movie!! Resist the urge, no matter how strong.

Predators Review

Rating: 3.5/5

The original "Predator" is right up there with Commando, Bloodsport, The Terminator, and First Blood as one of the greats of 80's action. "Predator 2," while much sillier, was entertaining nonetheless. Plus, it had more Predators, which is what many viewers came back for, and what the original is mostly remembered for.

Then, came Alien Vs Predator, and it was bad. Then, AVP: R, and it was really bad. And now, "Predators." Can it resurrect this franchise? Let's find out, shall we?

So, the universe's most dangerous creatures, including several special forces members, killers, and gangsters from Earth have been dropped on a mysterious planet. Royce, well-played by Adrien Brody, figures out that they are being hunted, and the group inevitably runs into the Predators. Despite being pretty simple, the premise works and never becomes convoluted.

Even though none of the cast match up to the walking piles of testosterone that was the original cast, they all do the job well and the characters are intriguing and fun to watch. That is, except for Topher Grace. I have no problems with the man as an actor, but he is completely out of place in an action movie, just like he was in Spider-Man 3. Anyway, the cast is just fine.

However, what makes Predators worth watching is the action. It's very creative, very suspenseful, and very, VERY bloody, just like it should be. The fact that the AVP films were PG-13 were, in my opinion, an extreme detractor from the entertainment value, especially considering the violence in the original. Predators is not afraid, and has tons of awesome and hilarious gore effects.

Besides the violence though, Predators does not take any risks, and this is the main problem I had with the film. Many things are hinted at, like the Predator homeworld, different types of Predators, and a possible civil war within the species. None of these things are explored at all, and I really would have liked to see that.

Overall, "Predators" isn't the worst action movie I've ever seen, but it's definitely not on par with the original. I say check it out if you are a fan, or are just curious.

Inception Review

Rating: 5/5

Let's talk Christopher Nolan. He's one of if not the most intriguing director of the last 10 years. I have seen 5 out of the man's 7 films, and with the exception of The Prestige, which I need to see again, I loved them all.

Memento is great, Batman Begins is good, The Dark Knight is brilliant, and now we come to Inception. Inception, the best movie of the year so far that isn't Pixar related. Inception is, in my humble opinion, Christopher Nolan's finest film, besides The Dark Knight. I am going to see this movie at least once more, because I want to find new ways to interpret it.

This review will have no spoilers, and no plot info, because I want YOU to see what you think of the plot. I will say this: the plot is one of the most well developed, thought out, and original plots I've ever seen. It's almost impossible to not be drawn into the eerie atmosphere, which is only enhanced by the incredible music by Hans Zimmer.

The characters are incredibly well developed and you care about all of them. Leo pulls out all the stops, and I think it's one of my favorite DiCaprio performances. Joseph G Levitt is amazing as always, as are Ken Watanabe and Tom Hardy, and I think this is the first movie with Ellen Page that I didn't dislike her. In fact, she was one of my favorites!

The effects, while being incredible and on a massive scale, are surprisingly not show-offy. They complement the film whenever used. Going back to the plot, there are many subplots that, unlike most movies these days, are not left unsolved or underdeveloped. They could each be their own major plot, but work so well intertwined in the actual main plot it's astonishing.

The script is officially the best this year. Never does it fall behind or disappoint. The dialogue is brilliant, that's all. Overall, I can't continue this review much longer, because I'm looking up movie times to see Inception again. I loved it, and I bet you will too when you see it, which you should. Right now.

Despicable Me Review

Rating: 4/5

Let's face it. Despicable Me is a movie for little kids. But, it has just enough humour for adults that you won't get bored. The minute Gru walks through the door of the Bank of Evil (formerly Lehman Brothers), you know what you're in for.

The humour ranges from silly to sillier, but it all works, surprisingly. The characters are memorable and funny, the story is fun and never boring, and the minions are awesome.

Despicable Me is not something that will give Pixar a run for its money. It isn't better than the 1st Shrek movie, and it probably won't dethrone Toy Story as the next big franchise. What it is is a sweet, heartfelt, and fun experience. I recommend it.

Knight and Day Review

Rating: 2/5

I really hate reviewing movies like "Knight and Day." Why? Because they're BORING. Movies like this one are nothing more than 2 hours or so of cliches, bad jokes, and crappy action scenes. It's really hard to review something so bland. But here we go.

Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz are Agent Roy and mechanic June, and Roy has been set up by a rogue CIA agent blah blah blah. They don't like each other, then they fall in love etc. There are all kinds of continuity errors, the script sucks, instead of action sequences Diaz just gets knocked out, etc.

That's really all I can say about the movie. It's forgettable, bland, and just unremarkable in every way it attempts to be creative in. Combine that with the fact that the villain is a legitimate businessman, and you've got yourself an experience not worth having.

Jonah Hex Review

Rating: 1.5/5

Now, I never really got into the Jonah Hex comics. However, what I do know about them is that they are gritty, ultraviolent, and very realistic. "Jonah Hex" is none of these. This movie is boring, cheesy, ridiculous, stupid, and ultimately too short to be remembered well or hated. Just forget it exists.

Splice Review

Rating: 2/5

Last year, "District 9" wowed the film world with its great acting, realistic cgi, and a surprisingly intelligent storyline. This year, "Splice" tries to do the same thing. Does it? Not really.

Clive and Elsa are two gene splicing experts at a pharmeceutical company. One day, the two try to prove to themselves that they can successfully splice human DNA with that of several animals. The result of this venture is Dren, a winged, bird footed, tailed creature.

What follows is a series of predictable horror scenarios that try to be disturbing, but aren't really. The acting is fine, but the script is lackluster. The effects are either mediocre or not there at all for no reason.

When I first left the theatre, I thought Splice was messed up. The more I thought about it however, I just thought the movie was a mess. The most important thing, how Clive and Elsa create Dren, is never explained. We don't know how gene splicing period makes sense, and we don't know what any of the animals in Dren are except for human. Overall, Splice is just another forgettable horror movie.

Toy Story 3 Review

Rating: 5/5

The first Toy Story movie was the first movie I ever saw. As a result, Toy Story is and always will be my favorite Pixar series. The first 2 Toy Stories were heartwarming, funny, sad, and poignant, and this final installment brings all of that to a new level.

With the first two dealing with heavy issues like abandonment and one's purpose in life, Toy Story 3 finds Woody and the gang with their biggest one yet: mortality. With Andy off to college, the rest of the toys feel abandoned and accept it when Andy's mom donates them to a day care. At first this seems like a dream, a perfect environment for a group of toys who just want to be played with.

However, they find that this is not the case, and they must rebel against the mafia-like hierarchy of Lotso-Huggin Bear (brilliantly voiced by Ned Beatty). Tim Allen, Tom Hanks, and the rest of the usuals are perfect in their roles. The animation? Beautiful. The story? Awesome. The humour? Hysterical. The ending? Tear-jerking. If you like movies of any kinds, go see this movie. Now.

P.S.
to all the people and critics who claim that Toy Story 3 has too much product placement, you're wrong. It rips into the famous toys, but uses them because PEOPLE ACTUALLY PLAY WITH THEM. I mean come on, it's not always about the fat cats in Hollywood.

The A-Team Review

Rating: 3.5/5

I have never seen the A-Team show and I never plan to. However, I love action movies, especially big explosive ones that don't take themselves too seriously. This is one of those. The performances are good, especially Sharlto Copley and Rampage Jackson, and even though there are a few parts that stretch my disbelief a bit too far, I still say go see it, because it's better than most of the action movies these days.

Get Him to the Greek Review

Rating: 4.5/5

My favorite part of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" was Jason Segel's character and his Dracula musical. However, it seems that everyone else loved Russell Brand's rebellious rockstar Aldous Snow. And so, we come to Get Him to the Greek, one of THE funniest movies I've seen since Pineapple Express.

Brand returns as the totally out of control Aldous Snow, who has to be herded to the Greek theatre by Jonah Hill in a last-ditch effort to make a ton of money for Snow's record label. What follows is a series of hysterical scenes, some of which are so funny that I can't choose a favorite.

My personal favorite element of the whole thing though, is P Diddy. He brings so much energy to the movie, and every joke he's involved in his totally hysterical. Anyway, DEFINITELY go see this movie, because it's just so funny.

Prince of Persia Review

Rating: 3/5

There are a lot of reasons not to see Prince of Persia. One, it's a video game movie, a genre that has a pretty bad track record. Two, you may be offended that Jake Gyllenhaal, a white man, is playing a Persian prince.

Let me put one of those fears to rest. Even though every video game movie imaginable is bad beyond belief, PoP is not. The main reason for this is that instead of trying to adapt the story of the game, it says "screw it" and comes up with an original story that keeps the spirit of the game.

Now, I've played my way through the entirety of the game this movie is based on, and it's just ok. The movie is also this. It doesn't take itself too seriously and has some cool effects and action sequences. But the acting is pretty hammy besides Ben Kingsley and Gyllenhaal. Back to the race issue, it's really hard to see why they didn't cast someone like Oded Fehr, even though Jake does a fine job. Overall, see this if you have nothing else to see.

Shrek 4ever After Review

Rating: 2.5/5

The original Shrek was great. The second one was ok. The third one sucked. This one doesn't need to exist. It's definitely bad, but not as eye-gougingly bad as the last one. I honestly will not miss the Shrek franchise. Besides an very funny Puss n Boots, the movie is just Shrek and Donkey making bad pop culture jokes that no one likes. The 3-D is also pointless. Just skip Shrek 4 I can't come up with anything to say about it.

Robin Hood Review

2/5

Robin Hood is one of those old legends that's basically impossible to do a movie of, because no one knows who he is and nobody really cares either. I know who Robin Hood is, and I know the gist of the mythos, but I also don't care about the idea of making a new Robin Hood movie.

I do care and like the idea of an alternate version of Robin Hood where Robby is the villain, and the sheriff of Nottingham is the hero. That's what this movie was supposed to be. Then, for whatever reason, they changed it to an origin story. A bad one.

Robin Hood is almost 3hrs long, and 95% of it could have been Gladiator with leather pants, if you had titled it differently. Then, just about when it's almost done, the movie remembers it's title and Robin is declared an outlaw.

Anyway, on to the technical stuff. Russel Crowe and Cate Blanchett are fine, but they are both MUCH too old to be playing the roles of Maids and Knights. The movie plods along, again, has nothing to do with Robin Hood, and is BORING AS HECK. Also, the script is just stupid. No character development except for Robin and Marion, the action is boring, the characters constantly spout terrible 1 liners, etc. Also, I guess this is a nitpick, but there's this subplot with these freakin' forest orphans that makes no sense at shouldn't exist.

Also, I know the Robin Hood backstory, and this movie ignores it. I'm all for reinterpretations, but just because people haven't heard of something doesn't mean you can just ignore it. All in all, only see Robin Hood if you're in need of a nap.

Iron Man 2 Review

Rating: 4.5/5

The second installment of the best film franchise in the history of Marvel Comics is finally here! Man am I excited. The first one was great! Is the second? Let's take a look.

Tony Stark is back, and he's not happy. Turns out the very thing keeping his heart going his slowly giving him blood poisoning. As a result, Tony sets up a series of clever turnouts that give Pepper Potts the CEO position, and a certain friend something else.

Ok, I'm going to stop being coy, Don Cheadle (who is much better than Terrence Howard) gets a suit and becomes War Machine!! Nick Fury returns!! Scarlett Johansson is Black Widow, and spends most of the time in a tight leather bodysuit!!! All the components are great!! The movie is fun!! My only complaint is, Mickey Rourke doesn't get enough to work with, but Sam Rockwell is great!!!

Ok, nerdsplosion over. In all seriousness, the whole movie is just on a higher level than the first one. The characters are deeper, the writing is smarter, and the plot is going more to the AVENGERS!!!!! Anyway, Iron Man 2 is a lot of fun, so go see it. Now.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) Review

Rating: 1.5/5

Freddy Krueger, along with Michael Myers, Leatherface, and Jason Voorhees, is one of the four staples of 80's horror. And, like Myers, Leatherface, and Voorhees, Freddy has now been remade by the man himself: Michael Bay. Let's dive in shall we?

Just like in the original, the new "Nightmare on Elm Street" centers around a group of teens who are haunted in their dreams by a burned man in a sweater with knives on his fingers. This man is of course, Freddy Krueger. Exactly! Everybody knows who Freddy is, and it's not like Friday the 13th where it's just Jason lumbering around slashing people.

Freddy has a personality, he's funny, he's memorable! But not this Freddy. This Freddy, played by the massively talented Jackie Earl Haley, barely has much dialogue, and you almost never see his face. Like I said, we know who Freddy is!! Stop hiding him, even if the makeup is stupid looking!!

Also, why is Freddy a child molester now? That fact just makes the whole experience just creepy and uncomfortable to watch. Anyway, there's too much focus on the unmemorable teenagers, the writing sucks and it's BORING. I don't wanna talk about this movie anymore, so just skip it.

The Losers Review

Rating-4/5

I, like basically every male being currently alive, enjoy action movies. Every now and then, I just like to drop my brain in a bowling ball bag and be entertained. Terminator 2 and Commando are perfect examples great action movies that don't take themselves too seriously. Then there's stuff like Terminator 4 and Daybreakers. Those movies make the mistake of thinking that their audience actually want to see political allegory or existential contemplation more than vampire hunters and evil robots. Thankfully "The Losers," based on a comic book series that I haven't read (yet), does not do those things. There's no dramatic narration or scenes where the main character breaks down and cries, just to show that even badasses are human. No, The Losers knows exactly what it wants to be. And what it wants to be is a well written action movie with funny and memorable characters and cool action. Is the story original? No. Have the action ideas it comes up with been done in other places? Yes. Does the movie know this and make sure we know it too and love every minute of it? Absolutely. My personal favorite character is the man-of-few-words Cougar, but the biggest surprise is Chris Evans, making a turn to play a character that I can stand. Also, Jeffrey Dean Morgan NEEDS to be in more action movies. He's so calm and collected, but at the same time is totally badass and awesome. And of course, the villain, Max. This guy is hilarious. He violates every villain cliche, but pulls it off so smugly and well that you can't help but love him. Max is the kind of person that you'd see trying out for the next James Bond villain, he just steals every scene. Overall, if you're tired of movies trying and failing to be edgy and want a good time, go see The Losers.

Kick Ass Movie Review

Rating-1/5 stars

I really wanted to like this movie. I really, really did. I have the hardover addition of the comic book, which I cosider to be one of the best graphic novels in the last ten years. The trailers were so promising!! We were promised a violent, darkly humorous action movie. Instead we got a Tarantino wannabe with ridiculous subplots and an insane runtime. The graphic novel is great because it really is realistic, the only exception being the awesome Hot Girl. The movie starts pretty much like that, and then takes a turn on fourth and bananas and there are people who get tased in the face who get right back up, a mob boss who can do kung fu, and a freaking jet pack even. The whole movie is just totally unbelievable. One minute, the hottest girl at school thinks Kick Ass is her gay best bud, and literally 10 minutes later they're making out in parking lots. None of the action scenes feel threatning at all, and the animated blood looks absolutely awful. Ok, I don't want to go on a tirade here, so I'll say what I believe are the two main things of why this movie totally sucks. While the graphic novel had brilliant writing and awesome art, the movie has really bad stylization and terrible, terrible writing. The graphic novel made fun of nerds and showed how pathetic they can get, but at the same time praised them their fantasies. Because it is true, everyone has wanted to be a superhero. However the movie is a plodding, badly written, and rather creepy and perverted mess. The only redeeming quality is Chloe Moretz as Hit Girl. She is the only thing in Kick Ass that kicks ass. Overall, when I left the theater, I did not feel like the film had kicked my ass with awesomeness. I felt like this movie had come up to me, taken my money and my stuff, and punched me straight in the face.

How To Train Your Dragon Review

Rating-4.5/5

How To Train Your Dragon is a kind of kids movie that is rare these days. It isn't too deep for some kids like Pixar movies often are, and it doesn't treat the audience like idiots like Hotel For Dogs. What makes this movie so different is that it's simple, traditional, fun.

Hiccup is a misfit in a village of scottish Vikings who can't seem to do anything right, especially fight dragons, the vikings' sworn enemies. This all changes when he befriends a dragon and changes his perspective on life.

I want to say wonderful things about this movie, but I can't. This is why I hate reviewing good movies, because you really have to see them to understand what I'm talking about. The voices are good, the story is good, and the animation is beyond mindblowing. Just go see it.

Hot Tub Time Machine Review

Rating-4/5

Is this throwback to 80's movies a comedy classic like last year's "The Hangover"? No. However, it's still extremely funny. When for high school friends (and one nephew) try to relive lost memories, they end up 20 years earlier, in the 80's. Of course, they freak out and try to get back to the present before it's too late. Despite the ridiculous premise, the writers do a great job of doing jokes that pay homages to 80's movies without being stupid. Also, the direction of Steve Pink (Accepted) really makes the story work. But what really brings the movie together is the performances. Every character is well crafted, with his or her memorable personality and humor. Well, except for Chevy Chase. For people of my generation (1993 and beyond), seeing a Chevy Chase cameo doesn't have the kind of effect a cameo by say, Will Ferrel would. Chase's character is definitely the most bland out of all of them by far. Overall, Hot Tub Time Machine is a very, very funny movie and it's worth the cash.

Clash of the Titans Review

Rating-**

Never before has there been a film like Clash of the Titans. Never before has there been a movie that's message is not one of environmentalism or teamwork or something, but raging, militant atheism. Basically, what this movie teaches us is if you think you and your community can make it without religion, but the deities of said religion refuse to let that happen, there is a simple solution: kill 'em. Just take your magical sword and flying horse and kill everything that represents them.

Ok ok ok, let's get serious. The plot is: Perseus, played the kid from Avatar, now speaking with his true blue Australian accent, gets his family killed by Hades, and decides to go the "God of War" route and screw over pretty much everything related to the Olympian Pantheon. Perseus and his bunch of generic action movie stereotypes fight harpies, giant scorpions, the Stygian sisters, Medusa, and the kraken. Never mind, I guess Perseus and the gang just went the rout without most of the mythical monsters.

Anyway, the acting is hammy, the script is ridiculous, the ending is retarded, the fx range from beautiful to ps2 game, the characters are nonexistent, and overall the story is a bit of a mess. However, Louis Leterrier saves the day like he did in Unleashed and The Incredible Hulk with exciting and extremely well done action scenes. Overall, I don't really recommend this movie, but it's kind of entertaining and not nearly as boring (or as charming) as the original. Try it, but definitely not in 3D