The Muppets

Rating: 5/5

The Muppets are special. Whether we're talking Rowlf or Cookie Monster, they have a weird and amazing ability to make people happy. They're a unique part of popular culture that no one really grows out of, not even the most cynical people I know. I don't see how anyone could hate the Muppets anyway. Anyone who claims to is really missing out. But after this movie, I think any so-called hatred for the crew will be extinct.

Walter (voice of Peter Linz) is a young puppet from Smalltown, USA who is the world's biggest Muppet fan. Walter's brother Gary (Jason Segel) is taking his girlfriend Mary (Amy Adams) for their anniversary, and the two decide to bring Walter along and tour Muppet Studios. To their dismay the studio is completely run down, and evil oil tycoon Tex Richman (Chris Cooper) wants to tear it down and drill for oil. After meeting Kermit, the gang has to reunite the Muppets and save the day.

Remember the last Star Trek movie? The J.J. Abrams one? Remember how it pleased adults and kids, allowing the former group nostalgia and making the latter a new generation of fans? Remember how great it was? Get ready to remember, because like Star Trek, The Muppets is pretty much flawless. The puppets are amazing, the story is lovely, Jason Segel and Amy Adams have never been better, the emotion is real, the songs are memorable, and the script/direction are great. Every joke, every cameo, every one-liner is in the perfect place and is delivered perfectly.

But the cherry on top is that the movie is so touching, so filled with genuine love for Jim Henson's creations that you want every season of the show and every older movie on DVD. I shamelessly teared up several times during the movie, and at others I laughed so hard my sides hurt. A movie that moves me this much one second and makes my fall out of my chair with laughter the next deserves praise. And that what this movie deserves. The Muppets is remarkable.

I don't know what else to say. If you, dear reader, can't tell that The Muppets is brilliant and one of the top five films of 2011 by now, re-read my review. Whether or not you could tell, go see The Muppets immediately, more than once, and experience the love. The Muppets, like Being Elmo, is love. Love for the Muppet gang and what they gave to the world way back when. Also like Being Elmo, I love it right back. Mahnamahna!

The Rum Diary

Rating: 4/5

Hunter S. Thompson and his writings have had a large influence on me. Gonzo journalism is one of the most effective styles of writing, and I use it all the time. You know how I try to write from the point of view of a common moviegoer? Notice how I use a lot of sarcasm? Straight ripped off from the Doc. And as a big fan, I recognize that no one plays Thompson better than Johnny Depp. Need proof and/or an intro to the man's work? Look no further than The Rum Diary.

Paul Kemp (Johnny Depp) is a young and talented journalist who has come to Puerto Rico to work at a failing newspaper called the San Juan Star. His only friend is Bob (Michael Rispoli), a pessimistic photographer who likes the finer things in life like rum and even more rum. Kemp is on his way to the same mindset when he is recruited by corrupt millionaire Sanderson (Aaron Eckhart) to write promos for his upcoming land-grab scam. Once Kemp is pulled into Sanderson's world, which includes Chenault (the beautiful Amber Heard), he starts to see what's up, and his debaucherous journey begins.

Do not, I repeat, DO NOT go into The Rum Diary expecting Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas. That film, while a complete masterpiece, is based on a novel of Thompson's written after he was established as a revolutionary journalist. The Rum Diary was written when Thompson was in his early twenties, and it's mostly about the experiences that shaped him into Raoul Duke. There's not a lot of narration, psychotropics, or great quotes, but it's very well done and maintains the spirit of the Doc's work.

Johnny Depp is as usual perfect in the main role, not that I'm surprised. But I have to admit I've gotten annoyed at JD for doing this routine in every movie. When it's in the right place though, Depp is incomparable and irreplaceable. Actually the whole cast is great, including Amber Heard, which was a surprise. The pace is a bit slow at times, and it's too long, but I was never bored. The dialog is very funny, the scenery is beautiful, and as a result it comes together well. One of the best parts is the soundtrack, always keeping the mood with an eclectic mix of rock, soul, and traditional Puerto Rican music.

Dr. Thompson always said how he wanted to make this movie, and it's sad it didn't happen before his death in 2005. I'm sure he'd bless it though. The Rum Diary is a solid entry in the HST filmography (considering there are only three) and a good place to start if you want an intro to the Doc's work. It isn't Fear & Loathing or Where the Buffalo Roam, and some people won't like it. So think of this as Hunter S. Thompson's superhero origin story. And if you're a fan like me, you have an obligation to go. Don't let the bastards win.

Immortals

Rating: 4/5

As you all should know, I can deal with stupidity in action movies. It doesn't matter how silly the story is, I can turn my brain off and enjoy some good-old-fashioned male power fantasy. For proof of this (if you really need some), see my reviews of The Wolfman 2010, and more recently Battle LA and/or Conan the Barbarian. Or you can just keep reading this one, because Immortals is a dumb movie that rocked my socks.

King Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) is a mad atheist who a la Kratos from "God of War" wants to free the titans and overthrow the gods. In order to do this Hyperion needs a legendary weapon called the Epirus Bow, which he plans to find with the power of the virgin oracle Phaedra (Freida Pinto). On his rampage across Greece, Hyperion makes the mistake of murdering the mother of Theseus (Henry Cavill), who just so happens to be the mortal champion chosen by Zeus (Luke Evans). And of course, hijinks ensue.

Ok, first things first. Immortals is silly. The narrative is jumpy, the characters are all completely generic, and the acting and dialog are completely melodramatic and ridiculous. There are big moments that make no sense in that "Conan" kinda way where you just have to laugh. However, nothing gets so dumb that you can't enjoy the movie, and I had a blast the whole way through thanks to two things: the visuals and the action.

The visuals in Immortals are Oscar worthy. Tarsem Singh is clearly very gifted when it comes to this, something we saw in his first film, The Fall, which is brilliant. The sets are grand and real, the CGI is fantastic, and the costumes are unique and beautiful. Each one is incredibly creative and really, really cool. It breathes new life into Greek myths in a way Clash of the Titans only dreamed of. The action is 300-level awesome, but much better choreographed and with less slow-to-fast. Immortals is awesome.

Immortals is the perfect Thanksgiving movie. It's a great excuse to get together with friends and enjoy yourself at the movies, even if it's silly. Immortals knows what it is, and takes the stylization of 300, injects it with Tarsem's brilliant visual creativity, and never looks back. This is mostly a guy movie, but anyone who liked 300 or The Expendables will enjoy it. Of course, I'm really just recommending the mind-blowing visuals and action, but go see Immortals for a fun ride.

The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)

Rating: 2/5

Wow, seriously you guys? I have a huge list of movies I want to see and I get over ten requests for Human Centipede 2? Look, just because I made it through Cannibal Holocaust and love Audition doesn't make me some sort of unfazable demigod of messed up movies. Cannibal Holocaust freaked me out for a while! Besides, the first Human Centipede isn't even that big a deal. It's just a modern exploitation flick. Whatever, let's just do this.

Martin (Laurence R. Harvey) is an introverted, disturbed weirdo who lives with hus abusive mom and is completely obsessed with The Human Centipede. He watches it all the time at work and even has a scrapbook of pictures from and relating to the movie. In his spare time, Martin goes around whacking random people on the head with a crowbar and putting them in a warehouse, where he plans on recreating Dr. Heiter's experiment with twelve people. Using only crude tools and his psychosis, Martin goes for it.

This movie makes a good point: the first Human Centipede was not the grossest movie ever, neither is this one, and neither one should be treated as such. The first film was more suspense driven, and this one is so grotesque and shocking that it's kind of hilarious. I don't recommend either one because they're not good films, but the series doesn't deserve such controversy. Like I said, they're exploitation movies and are just unpleasant to watch.

Anyways, yes, Human Centipede 2 is freaking gross. But not until the final half-hour or so. Until then it's literally just Martin conking people on the head in a parking garage. It's really quite boring to watch, which is compounded by the fact that Martin doesn't talk. Ever. He just makes silly noises. However, the film is shot in gorgeous black and white and is competently acted and directed. In the end though, it's a waste of time.

The Human Centipede 2's final act is insane. Not quite the level of some movies I've seen and I'm sure there are more out there I haven't heard of, but wow. Ligaments are cut, faces are stapled, teeth are smashed or ripped out, and we see every single step. I admit, I looked away a couple times. But it's all so over the top I wasn't bugged by it. The effects are top-notch but silly. This isn't a date horror movie like Saw or even Hostel, it's just bad shock imagery. I paid six bucks on iTunes for this, and it isn't worth it. Ok, that's my review, now can we stop talking about these movies?

A Very Harold & Kumar Christmas

Rating: 4/5

You've gotta love this series. Each Harold & Kumar movie is very funny, relevant, and of course offensive. Each installment also includes developed and memorable characters with real arcs, great jokes, and the greatness of Neil Patrick Harris. That said, it's hard for comedy sequels to stay funny, as evidenced by Hangover 2 and the Scary Movie sequels. Lucky for us, the series isn't done yet, and it's still damn funny.

Around three years or so after their escape from Guantanamo, Harold (John Cho) is married and Kumar (Kal Penn) is perpetually stoned. The two meet again when Kumar drops a mysterious package at Harold's house. Harold, who is too worried about pleasing his father-in-law (Danny Trejo), is happy to see his friend, until Kumar burns down Trejo's home-grown christmas tree. Now the two have until midnight mass is over to find a new fern. And as usual, hijinks ensue.

There's something about stoner comedies that I find inherently hilarious. Unless the joke is too dumb (I'm looking at you Your Highness), I will laugh. Boy howdy will I laugh, and this movie made me laugh quite a bit. The jokes and gag are of course all sexual, drug-related, or violent, but most of them work very well. As usual Neil Patrick Harris steals the show, but everyone does a great job. The script has a good pace, and the few serious moments are genuine and well done.

See, now I don't have much more to talk about. It's just hard to review good comedies. Ok, I guess I can talk about how some moments are just stupid and that some jokes rely too much on being raunchy and/or gross, but none of that really matters. A Very Harold and Kumar Christmas is an extremely solid and very funny comedy that's worth seeing.

I honestly hope they make a fourth entry in this series. For me, I think the characters (especially NPH) won't stop being funny and I'll always enjoy them in a primal kind of way. Even though I don't think the series will ever return to the heights of the second movie, I have faith that I'll continue to laugh at additional installments. Until then, I can just enjoy the current one, and so should you.

Being Elmo: A Puppeteer's Journey

Rating: 4.5/5

As a young child, my best friend was my stuffed Elmo toy. I took him everywhere and told him everything. My friends loved him, my family did, we all just loved Elmo. But until now, I never thought about why. Why did I love Elmo so much? Why is he so instantly lovable, and how was he created? What brilliant performer created the best friend of billions of children? Well my friends, be ready to be answered and moved by this lovely documentary.

Being Elmo follows the career of Kevin Clash: a kid from Baltimore who loved puppets. When he got older, Kevin started to build his own muppets and was featured on local TV. As Kevin got better and better, he felt limited by his position. Then he met muppet builder Kermit Love (creator of Big bird, Snuffy, and Ms. Piggy), who taught Kevin everything he knew. After meeting Jim Henson, Kevin was well on his way to becoming the legend he is. And of course, the rest is history.

Ok, I know that it looks like I gave the whole movie away, but I only outlined it. Kevin's journey through the world of puppeteering is so deep and interesting that there's no way I could cover it in a paragraph. Anyway, part of what makes the story so great is that Kevin is one of the best examples of someone who followed their dreams. He had real talent in a weird field and he made it through 100% pure hard work. He's never arrogant, never outspoken, and always thankful. Kevin is such a good person, you can see Elmo in him.

Now, I don't consider myself a super macho dude, but I have my pride. And I am discarding that right now because I'm admitting that this movie made me cry. It wasn't sad, and I didn't cry a lot, but I cried. I remembered how much Sesame Street meant to me, and how amazing it is that Kevin Clash makes millions of kids believe they are loved by Elmo. Then there's the scene where all the muppets, including Elmo and friends, sing "Saying Goodbye" at Jim Henson's funeral. I dare you not to choke up.

Being Elmo is special. It is a rare documentary that doesn't uncover political corruption or be pro environmentalism that isn't about a historical figure. Like Anvil last year, Being Elmo tells a story about someone who never, ever gave up. It's effective, informative, interesting, touching, and of course inspiring. Why does it work so well? To paraphrase one of the interviewed puppeteers: Elmo is love, and he loves you unconditionally. And you know what, I love him right back. Always.