Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame

Rating: 4.5/5

Comedy and Kung-Fu go hand in hand in cinema. From Drunken Master to Kung-Fu Hustle, laughs and flying dragon kicks go well together. Sadly, the past year has offered limited foreign releases and good summer movies. I can only think of four of the former and three of the latter. Well good thing I saw Detective Dee, because it's the most fun I've had all summer.

After the fall of the Tang Dynasty, the Chinese Empire is preparing to crown its first empress (Carina Lau). As part of the coronation ceremony, the Empress is building a colossal iron Buddha, and has had the court chaplain place amulets to protect it. Suddenly, important nobles and a member of the supreme court (Sammo Hung) bursting into flames after overseeing the construction. Now, the Empress must free Detective Dee (Andy Lau) from prison so he can solve the case. And of course, hijinks ensue.

When it comes to the standard kung-fu criteria, Detective Dee has it all. Slapstick, stunning action scenes, women with fancy weapons, memorable characters, and a great finale are all there. Despite that, the script can be a little too silly at times, and it's a bit long, but when it works it works very well. Unlike Cowboys and Aliens though, Detective Dee doesn't try to play it straight, and just runs with the silliness. And those fights I mentioned? They really are fantastic, unique, and beautiful to watch.

Detective Dee is really silly, like very much so. Director Tsui Hark definitely shows his past in shlocky kung-fu, bit it's not bad because the characters and story are so well developed and told. I mean, I liked Conan the Barbarian, which is way worse, so there's no reason I wouldn't love Detective Dee. And besides, not every kung-fu film needs to be Enter the Dragon.

Detective Dee and the Mystery of the Phantom Flame is a rocking good time. It's funny, clever, intelligent, original, and badass. It know what it is and never apologizes, something other movies have been having trouble with these days. Is it the new Kung-Fu Hustle? No, not even close, However, what it is is an unbelievably fun ride with memorable action and a good plot. I sat through a lot of crap this summer, from Shia Labeuof's screams to Nicholas Hoult's blue teen wolf costume. Detective Dee is one of the very few that kept me entranced from start to finish, and that's good enough for me.

The Debt

Rating: 1.5/5

As a proud film buff and Jew, I'm glad that there are more movies about Jews kicking ass. Munich, Inglorious Basterds, Defiance, those movies rock my socks. I have also seen some really good Netflix documentaries about the Mossad, so it's understandable that I was excited to see The Debt. Let me tell you, after actually seing it, I think Mossad agents would be embarrassed at how dumb it makes them look.

Rachel (Jessica Chastain), David (Sam Worthington), and Stephan (Marton Csokas) are three young Mossad operatives inserted into East Berlin in the 60s to capture a Dr. Mengele-type Nazi war criminal (Jesper Christensen) and bring him to trial in Israel. Unfortunately something unrevealed goes wrong with the mission. Thirty years later, the mission is the subject of a book by Rachel's (now Helen Mirren) daughter and the three are national heroes. Suddenly, David (now Ciaran Hinds) kills himself and Rachel and Stephan (now Tom Wilkinson) need to confront their past.

The Debt is dumb. There is literally nothing about the film that is subtle or smart, from the ham-handed pacing to the various accents that come and go as they please. The script by Jane Goldman (X-Men: First Class, Kick Ass) is inconsistent, ludicrous, and nonsensical. For example, older Rachel says that she cannot help older Stephan because she hasn't been an agent in years, and then she ninja-kicks armed guards in the next scene. The characters are kind of developed, but there isn't any sense of time, so when the young agents are getting paranoid from being inside for too long, it's a surprise.

Speaking of the characters, they're all unmemorable stereotypes who are boring and badly acted. Jessica Chastain tries but is given nothing to work with, Marton Csokas just sort of screams at everyone, and Sam Worthington's accent goes from Israeli to Australian and back again within one sentence. Also, when the mission goes wrong, instead of just killing their prisoner, the younger agents keep him alive, feed him three times a day, and let him talk to them. Even when he starts playing them against each other, our highly trained heroes don't gag him.

The Debt is a true disappointment. It could have been a smart thriller with an intelligent script and good direction in the vein of Inside Man. Instead we got another debacle in the vein of Unknown. It doesn't make any sense, the story is ludicrous, the events surrounding the older characters are completely uninteresting. The past is much more compelling, but it's so boring and predictable that there really isn't much effect. There's just no reason to pay to see this film.

The Guard

Rating: 4/5

Dear God, another crazy accents movie? That makes two in a row! Why am I seeing so many European films with nearly unintelligable dialogue? Ok, I'm being a little harsh, but I did see Attack the Block last week. Anyway, like Attack the Block, The Guard's director is making his debut here. I would definitely like to see more of his work in the future.

Sgt. Jerry Boyle (Brendan Gleeson) is a police officer in rural Ireland who is unconventional to say the least. He drops acid, solicits prostiututes, disturbs crime scenes, and curses profusely. However, when three drug dealers (Liam Cunningham, David Wilmot, and Mark Strong) bring their business to town and their dirty cash to cops, Jerry is the sole officer who remains clean. Now paired with an FBI agent (Don Cheadle), Jerry has to take down the baddies, and hijinks ensue.

Now, the only other Brendan Gleeson movie I've seen is In Bruges, and he was great in that. The same can be said for The Guard. Even though everyone in the cast his great, Gleeson carries the film. His performance here definitely deserves recognition, even if not by major awards shows.

Everything from his facial expressions are really fantastic. Jerry's character is so much fun, and is really well supplemented by the wickedly funny and smart script, great direction and beautiful cinematography. Put short, I want to go to Ireland.

The Guard makes me sad. Sad because it's the kind of film awards shows usually love, but it has too much cursing and violence, and it isn't about a historical figure a la The King's Speech. But hey, maybe if we're lucky and there is justice, Brendan Gleeson will at least get nomi9nated for his performance. Either way, The Guard is a good movie worth seeing.

Attack the Block

Rating: 5/5

The best alien films of recent years have all had aliens that look unique and put the action in a new and interesting place. District 9 had prawns as refugees in South Africa, Battle LA had trained soldiers on the streets of Los Angeles, and Attack the Block has big dog-lookin' things in the London ghetto. Boy howdy does this movie kick ass. Seriously, Attack the Block will be in my top 3 movies of 2011.

On a usual night of hanging out and mugging tourists, young rapscallions Moses (John Boyega), Pest (Alex Esmail), Jerome (Leeon Jones), Dennis (Franz Drameh), and Biggz (Howard Simon) encounter and kill a small alien creature. After going to Ron's (Nick Frost) house to celebrate their kill via getting massively high, the boys see other aliens land and set out on the hunt. But these new aliens are bigger, meaner, and much tougher, and start to wreak havoc. Now the unlikely heroes and a nurse (Jodie Whittaker) who lives in their apartment building (or block), have to save the world. Or at least south London.

When one walks into a movie like Attack the Block, one has to worry. I say this because Attack the Block, like Sexy Beast and Snatch, is British, and the accents are crazy. If you don't focus on the issue too much it's easy to know what's going on, but there are some scenes where you really need to train your ears to understand what the actors are saying. Other than that, there's nothing I can complain about at all.

No seriously, this movie is pretty much perfect. It's hilarious, fantastically acted, really well directed, and has action scenes. The characters are all well rounded and memorable, the script is pitch-perfect, and the story has emotional weight and some genuinely sad moments. It's only flaw is the accents thing, but that's easy to get used to if you aren't turned off by it.

Attack the Block is a worthy entry in the growing genre of original foreign alien movies. There really isn't much else for me to mention, except the badass soundtrack by Massive Attack and Basement Jaxx. If Attack the Block was in 3D, I'd see it in IMax with super sound. I cannot wait to buy this movie on Blu-Ray. This movie isn't playing all over the country as far as I know, but if you can find it, definitely go see Attack the Block.

Conan the Barbarian

Rating: 3.5/5

OK, let me get something straight. When remakes like this one come out, a lot of newspaper critics start venerating the original and pointing out good qualities that don't exist. For example, critics said that the Wolfman remake didn't capture the "internal conflict of a man becoming a monster" of the original film. Seriously, watch the original 50's Wolfman, and tell me if that's in there. It isn't, and the remake doesn't care. Like this 2010 Wolfman, this 2011 Conan is just out for kicks.

When Conan (Jason Momoa) was a kid, his tribe of barbarians, including his dad (Ron Perlman) was slaughtered by the evil warlord Kalar Zym (Stephen Lang). Now all grown up into Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones, Conan is living the life of women and crushing his enemies. When he gets a violent reminder of his past, Conan decides to finally take his revenge against Zym and his daughter (Rose McGowan), as well as charm the pants off of a beautiful girl (Rachel Nichols).

And that's the whole plot. Of course, the whole thing is interweaved with a ton of yelling, sex and killing, but it's simple overall. And that's a good thing, because I don't want any BS when I walk into a movie called Conan the Barbarian. This is just what a Conan film should be. Conan the Barbarian is a nonsensical, ludicrous, and really dumb movie, but I loved every minute of it. I don't know why, but when I watched Conan I just had so much fun watching Jason Momoa kill or bone everything he sees.

Don't get me wrong, the writing direction, and CGI are all terrible, and besides Momoa and Ron Perlman, the acting is awful. But stupidity is a thing I can work with in action films. Not the kind of stupidity where Shia Labeouf is the main character in a Transformers movie, but the dumbness of Rose McGowan reading people's minds by licking minor cuts she gives them. The action is really what does it though, because it is fantastically choreographed and shot.

Don't go see Conan the Barbarian if you're expecting Lord of the Rings. Hell, don't even see it if you're expecting the original. Go see Conan if you're up for a bloody, nudity-filled, and silly ride through a silly world where silly people do silly things for silly reasons. And if nothing else, Morgan Freeman narrates it. No seriously.

30 Minutes or Less

Rating: 3/5

Well, here it is. My 100th review. I gotta say, knowing that I've seen that many movies in the last couple years is pretty exciting. Just remember, I don't write these reviews because of some sick ego trip or superiority complex. I review movies because I love to, and I like having my opinion out there. I'd like to say thanks to everybody who reads these rants of mine, and everyone who supported me. That said, I'm disappointed that 30 Minutes or Less is my big 100.

Nick (Jesse Eisenberg) is a small-town pizza boy with no ambition and bad luck. This comes into play when losers Dwayne and Travis (Danny McBride and Nick Swardson) strap a bomb to him and demand that Nick steal $100,000 for them. Now, Nick has to team up with his ex-best friend (Azis Ansasri) and figure out how to steal the 100 K, avoid the murderous El Chongo (Michael Pena) and exploding.

30 Minutes or Less is the kind of film I shouldn't be reviewing on such a special occasion. Why? Because it isn't a great movie and it isn't a terrible movie. It's smack dab in the "average" category, so I don't get to bring out my fancy vocabulary or seething hatred. Don't get me wrong, 30 Minutes or Less is well directed, acted, shot, and when it's funny, it's damn funny. It just isn't very well written. I think this is partly because this situation actually happened, and it wasn't a happy ending.

On the other hand, Jesse Eisenberg and Azis Ansari are both great, and Danny McBride is the perfect villain. Ruben Fleischer (Zombieland) does a great job as expected, making scenes flow very well and cool cinematography. It's also got funny and memorable characters. Honestly, I think this movie would be as good as Zombielandif the writing didn't mistake crudeness for lowbrow humor and accepted so many cliches.

Just as the main characters are constantly moving from hijink to hijink, 30 Minutes or Less is a sporadic film. While it has its moments, 30 Minutes or Less just isn't that funny, and some more consistency would have greatly helped it out. And that's all I've got for my 100th review. Again, thank everybody and here's to another 100.

Crazy, Stupid Love

Rating: 4/5

Every now and then I go and see a movie that I usually wouldn't. Usually it's something like Julie & Julia, and I almost always enjoy myself. Hell, if I wasn't adventurous about movies I wouldn't have seen films like Bridesmaids and Hobo With a Shotgun. That said, Crazy Stupid Love is not as good as either of those, but still good.

Cal Weaver (Steve Carell) is lost. He has good kids, a great wife (Julianne Moore), but all that is falling apart. His wife is leaving him, his older son (Jonah Bobo) has an unrequited love for his babysitter (Analeigh Tipton), and it's all falling on Cal. Cal's luck seems to turn around when Jacob (Ryan Gosling), a cool, confident womanizer, takes Cal under his wing. When Jacob falls in love with Hanna (Emma Stone), Cal and Jacob have to help each other.

If you couldn't tell by that last big paragraph, this is a pretty complicated movie, and I like that. I like that even though it's a romantic comedy, it doesn't take the easy route, and it doesn't overreach. The actors are all good, and the pace and script are very well put together. Crazy Stupid Love also manages to blend real, meaningful romance with very smart and funny comedy.

To be honest, my original rating for this movie was 3 stars. Then 3.5, and I'm settling on 4 now. The more I think about this movie, the more I like it. I know this review is late, but I'm recommending Crazy Stupid Love for anybody, single or not.