Rise of the Planet of the Apes Review

Rating: 3.5/5

Of all the unnecessary remakes and reboots happening these days, Rise of the Planet of the Apes actually has a good reason to exist. The original movies are dated messes of rubber masks and Charlton Heston, and Tim Burton's version has one of the worst endings I've ever seen. After seeing Rise of the Planet of the Apes, I've not only forgiven the original films (well, mostly forgiven), but I'm really excited to see where this new franchise goes. This is a reboot I can get behind.

Will (James Franco) is a corporate scientist working on the cure for alzheimer's so he can help his dad (John Lithgow). Through animal testing, Will thinks he's cracked the code with a formula that not only fixes the test apes' brains, but improves them. When Will's prize subject is put down, he brings her baby home and raises him as a friend. However, as the baby grows up, Will finds that Caesar (Andy Serkis) inherited the formula and is evolving beyond what his masters want him to be.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes is a reboot that has nothing to build off of, which is good. It's not like Spider-Man where the Raimi films are recent and the character is a permanent part of American pop culture. Planet of the Apes' premise is original enough to be revamped for the 21st century, especially because the original movies aren't that popular. ROTPOTA (rolls right off the tongue, huh) does this very well by giving us memorable and interesting characters and setting up for future installments without making a 90 minute trailer. There isn't exactly a "revolution," but I do want to see when there is.

On the technical side, there is a little more to be criticized. In the end, James Franco, while good, is hard to take seriously as a nerdy scientist when he's dating Frieda Pinto, and the lack of an ape revolution is disappointing. John Lithgow and the rest of the supporting cast is great though, and the script isn't too slow or too serious. The action scenes are also awesome, with great setpieces and cool monkey maneuvers.

Also, while starting out pretty fake looking, the CGI apes look amazing as the film progresses. This is accented by the scenes without humans, which are almost totally visual, and much more dynamic and interesting to watch. Overall, Rise of the Planet of the Apes isn't everything I wanted, it's a damn good start.

Cowboys & Aliens Review

Rating: 2/5

I think the worst kind of adaptation is the kind that just does its own thing without retaining the spirit of its source material. An appropriate example of this would be 2008's aptly-titled "The Spirit," a film that turned a classic square-jaw superhero strip into a nonsensical mess of female objectification. In comparison, 2009's "Watchmen" made big changes but got the comic book's message across very well. Sadly, Cowboy's and Aliens ends up like the former.

Jake Lonengran (Daniel Craig) wakes up in the middle of the desert with no memory and a lazer bracelet on his wrist. After beating up what appears to be Kris Kristofferson, Jake wanders into the nearest town and finds that he's a wanted man. To make things worse, Colonel Dolarhyde (Harrison Ford) wants Jake for himself. Come nightfall, the titular aliens attack and kidnap several people from the town, and the rag-tag band of cowboys take off to rescue their people as well as Jake's memory. Oh, and Olivia Wilde has a seret or something I really didn't pay that much attention.

I don't expect much from a movie called Cowboys and Aliens, but I do expect it to be at least a silly good time at the movies. It isn't. Cowboys and Aliens takes itself immensely seriously, and none of the characters ever smile or are happy about anything. Speaking of the characters, they are all complete stereotypes. I don't mean in the unique and archetypal Rango sense of things, I mean that these characters are generic, with no development or anything.

The script and direction of the film also have no sense of pacing or direction. This is evidenced when the movie randomly switches from day to night and has pointless scenes like Harrison Ford tells the Last Airbender to be a man via euthanasia of random people in the desert. It's also inconsistent, touting a line where Olivia Wilde claims that the aliens are blind in the daytime, which is confirmed by earlier scenes, and then the aliens proceed to run out and kill most of the extras. Overall, it's a pretty generic action movie despite the title.

This summer is better than last year. Last year we had very few good flicks like Inception and Scott Pilgrim, and too many Last Airbenders and Predators. This year we have fun stuff like Green Lantern, Captain America, and Horrible Bosses almost every week. Cowboys and Aliens is just a badly written, poorly acted, BORING movie that will hopefully not ruin the summer for everyone.

Captain America: The First Avenger Review

Rating: 4/5

As anyone who reads my reviews hopefully knows, I know a lot about comic books and superheroes and the like. I'm not as into them as I was about a year ago, but I still appreciate a good fun superhero flick. The last such movie was Green Lantern, which despite the inconsistencies and silliness of the plot and script, had a sense of humor about itself and was a fun ride. Luckily, Captain America doesn't make X-Men's mistake and is similarly enjoyable.

Steve Rogers (Chris Evans) is a ninety pound weakling from Brooklyn who just wants to join the army. His best buddy Bucky (Sebastian Stan) is serving in Steve's dream unit, but Steve just can't make the cut. One day, Steve gets his chance when he participates in a secret experiment and becomes Captain America. With enhanced strength, durability and agility, Steve must now fight Hitler's secret science division HYDRA, and its evil leader, Red Skull (Hugo Weaving).

Captain America has an important advantage over Green Lantern in that the acting is much better. Chris Evans does a surprisingly great job as Cap, and the supporting cast, particularly Hayley Atwell as Peggy Carter and Dominic Cooper as Iron Man's dad, is really awesome. The action is also not as low-scale as Thor, which shows that director Joe Johnston was a great choice for this material. The action scenes are big, loud, and awesome to look at, as is the much better CGI and costumes.

The script for Captain America is also very good, and it makes the ingenious decision of having the first half-hour or so be about Steve Rogers before his transformation. It gives necessary character development and shows that Peggy doesn't just like Cap for his bod, but for him. This is the first superhero movie I've sat through all year that actually makes the main character a hero. Captain America is selfless and noble, no matter what the situation. He is a true super-hero.

I liked Captain America because it was a good-old fashioned romp. It accepts the fact that the main character is a guy in a flag suit and uses that mythos to delve deep into the character. It isn't as amazing as the Dark Knight, but unlike X-Men: First Class, it isn't trying to be. Captain America also isn't a full-length trailer for the Avengers, which is awesome. I recommend it.

P.S. This time, do stay after the credits.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2

Rating:4.5/5

And so 2011 brings another billion-dollar franchise to an end. This time however it's Harry Potter, which has lasted longer and made more money than most other series. Harry Potter is also a great franchise that I hope to share with my kids and their kids for a very long time. That said, let's look at the final chapter of this saga.

The war is here and both sides are back for the final battle. Snape (Alan Rickman) is head of Hogwarts, Voldemort (Ralph Fiennes) is armed with the Elder Wand, and Harry (Daniel Radcliffe), Ron (Rupert Grint) and Hermione (Emma Watson) are ready for action. With the help of basically the entire cast of the series, everybody's favorite wizards have to end the fight, and the story, once and for all.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 2 is the perfect way to end the franchise. By that I mean that it takes the entire scope of the series and brings it into one epic conclusion. It reminds us why we love these movies. Harry Potter 8 is done so well that it's honesty sad because I'll miss the characters so much.

As to comparing this to the other films, I still like the Prisoner of Azkaban best, but this might be the next-best in the series. This conclusion is so good that it forgives the Twilight cash in 6th movie and the overly long setup in HP7. The acting, the special effects, the action, direction, dialog, I can't think of anything bad. Sure there are nitpicks, but I don't want to say them.

Harry Potter started for me when my mom got me the first book and I couldn't stop reading it. Now after ten years with the same actors playing characters in eight films from seven books and over two billion dollars worldwide, I'm realizing how much I'll miss this franchise. Goodbye Harry, and to everyone else, see this movie.

Horrible Bosses Review

Rating: 4/5

For this review, I'm not going to quantify this movie. I'm not to say "even though it's not as good as ____" or anything like that. I'm just going to prove that not all films have to be compared to other movies. Horrible Bosses is a very smart and very funny movie, and here is why.

Nick, Kurt, and Dale (Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, and Charlie Day respectively) are three friends with one thing in common: they hate their bosses. Nick's boss (Kevin Spacey) is a manipulative sadist, Kurt's (Colin Farrell) is a cocaine addict sleazeball, and Dale is constantly sexually harassed by his boss Julia (Jennifer Aniston). Because of the economy, none of the three can quit, and decide to murder their bosses. And, of course, hijinks ensue.

What makes a comedy is the performances of the actors. Because as evidenced by Tropic Thunder, the worst written films can be funny with good performances. Horrible Bosses is one of the best acted comedies I've seen all year. The protagonists are well rounded and lovable, the bosses are evil, and they're all funny. From Colin Farrell's amazing turn with a bald cap and beer belly to Charlie Day's cocaine rampage, I laughed all the way through.

Now, that isn't to say that the writing isn't outstanding. I literally could not find one joke I didn't like, either immediately or in retrospect. I didn't favor any characters over others, I just liked all of them and all the jokes. Horrible Bosses is overall COMPLETELY worth the money. Go see it.

TrollHunter Review

Rating: 4/5


Mythology is the go-to subject matter for pop culture creators who are out of ideas. If you want to get attention, rewrite David & Goliath as a gritty war drama with lots of symbolism and get Terrence Malick to direct it. These movies are a dime a dozen, so it's cool when a movie like TrollHunter comes along an does something unique.

Three Norwegian film students (Glenn Erland Tosterud, Johanna Mørck, and Thomas Alf Larsen) are on vacation in the north and think they've caught a poacher. When the three confront their suspect Hans (Otto Jesperen), and follow him into the woods, they learn that he's in fact Norway's only Troll Hunter, and he has to eliminate the various types of trolls (mountain, bridge, woodland, etc) who break their boundaries. Hans allows the students to follow and film his operations because he's tired of the job, which has no overtime and terrible benefits.

TrollHunter is a found footage movie that feels real. The dialog is natural and well written, as is the acting. The special effects are amazing, portraying realistic trolls that actually feel intimidating. It really never gets old watching Hans burn trolls, turn them to stone, and even blow them up on his adventures. The aforementioned mythology of the trolls is also really cool, because I didn't know anything about the things until after I saw TrollHunter.

Overall, TrollHunter isn't gonna win any Oscars or golden globes, but it is worth watching. It takes insane mythology and then inserts the idea of an overworked civil servant, and blends the two very well. I recommend it, it's a good fun time at the movies.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon Review

Rating: .5/5

This is it. The final battle. Autobots versus Decepticons, Shia Labeouf vs Acting, and Michael Bay versus my intelligence. When I went in trying to like this movie, I thought once it started that I would be as angry as I was at Transformers 2. But I was just weary of the whole damn thing. Let's just get this over with shall we?

Sam Witwicky (Shia Labeouf) is back and looking for a job in Washington while living with his new girlfriend Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whitely). Meanwhile, an ancient Autobot ship is found on the moon, and both sides of the war want it. So, Sam has to be as quirky as possible while fighting evil.

First of all, no, this Transformers movie isn't as bad as the last one, but that's kind of like saying one Nazi is slightly less evil than another because he only killed 50 Jews instead of 60. Don't get me wrong, I like stupid movies where robots beat the hell out of each other. I just hate sitting through two hours of Shia Labeouf and his parents.

The character of Sam is whiny, obnoxious, selfish, and quite frankly mean spirited overall. All he does is scream at his girlfriend and Bumblebee and demand that he get recognition for running around screaming in the last two movies. It's infuriating how horrible he is, especially because the audience is supposed to relate to him.

Rosie Huntington-Whitely is better than Megan Fox, but that still doesn't matter. She has no real point of existence and just provides another excuse for Michael Bay to be an objectifying chauvinist. Let's address that actually. The racism, homophobia, and sexism are still all there, especially towards the end, and the plot still doesn't make any goddamn sense, the robots are impossible to tell one from another, the dialogue is hair tearingly awful, and the humor is so stupid I lost brain cells.

And so the most profitable (and worst) franchise in the last decade comes to an end. Is there really a point to me reviewing this? No, it already made $100 million at the box office. Can I still kvetch about it? Of course. If you haven't seen it, don't, all one of you.