Savages

People, when I praise goofy action films, it's not because I get my kicks making fun of them. Some of my biggest writing influences are comic books for crying out loud. Hell, I own the Super Mario Brothers Super Show on DVD. And also, I really do love pulp novels and grindhouse movies. I wrote an eighteen-page paper on the latter topic, and watched over fifteen grindhouse movies as research. The thing is, most neo-grindhouse is silly, and I hate it when it wants to be taken seriously. Then there's Savages, which could've been made in 1975, but is pretty awesome in 2012. Laguna Beach bros Ben the nice guy (Aaron Johnson) and Chon the tough guy (Taylor Kitsch) are sitting pretty. They run the most popular and safe pot business on the west coast, have their own personal DEA rat (John Travolta), and live in a menage-a-trois with O (Blake Lively). But times change, and Ben and Chon are threatened with takeover by the ruthless Baja Cartel and its sultry leader Elena (Salma Hayek). When the boys refuse the deal, Elena sends her mulletted enforcer Lado (Benicio Del Toro) to kidnap O. Now Ben and Chon have to get her back, no matter the cost. To say the very least, I don't like Oliver Stone. Platoon is a classic and Wall Street is fine, but JFK, Born on the Fourth of July, W., and Natural Born Killers are films I just can't stand. I'm also not the biggest Aaron Johnson fan after Kick-Ass, and Blake Lively is kinda boring to me. So you can imagine my surprise when I ended up enjoying Savages quite a bit. It's a damn silly movie, but man is it a blast to watch. The plot is ridiculous, the dialogue is beyond dumb, and the acting, particularly by Del Toro and Travolta, is hilarious. But it's handled in such a way that it all works. Again, I was pleasantly surprised. One major benefit the pulpiness of Savages gives is the general simplicity of the film. The story and the characters are very clearly laid out for the audience, and nothing ever tries to reach too high. Sure there's slick editing and a blaring "HELL YEAH BRO" soundtrack, but at its core, Savages is a straightforward, old-style grindhouse flick. If it was mad ein the 70'd we'd see "The Savages" starring Rutger Hauer and David Hess as Ben and Chon, Lynnea Quigley as O, Dyanne Thorne as Elena, with Bob Kerman as DEA guy and Franco Nero as Lado. All directed by Abel Ferarra. And I love the fact that I can make that kind of comparison, and I kinda loved Savages. Before I sit down to write a review, I jot down notes in my film notebook, and read reviews of the movie by my favorite critics. And the thing I noticed in every positive Savages review was the critic trying to make the film seem intelligent and highbrow for the sake of Oliver Stone. But Savages isn't a web of intrigue, or a fresh take on thrillers, and it doesn't have suspense taught as rope. Savages is a high energy, pulpy crime flick that isn't very smart or at all deep. And I wouldn't want it any other way.

Ted

When I was but a young thing, I had an Elmo toy that I brought everywhere. He was my best friend, and I still have him today. And sometimes I do take him out, and it's just nice to hold him in my hands. But I'm glad Elmo never ame to life, because I got into enough trouble without those kinds of hijinks. However the world of film wouldn't have family comedies without magical stuffed animals. Ted is here to show us that the adult world should try sometime too. As a kid, John Bennett (Mark Wahlberg) wished his teddy bear to life. Now thirty-five, John is living with Lori (Mila Kunis), the girl of his dreams, and getting ready to pop a big question. Well, he would be, if he didn't spend all his time with Ted (Seth MacFarlane), also grown up and now super lazy and vulgar. John loves Lori, but his crappy job and childish attachement to Ted has put their relationship on the rocks. So when Lori gives him a choice between her and Ted, hijinks ensue. Everybody is already thinking this so let me say: yes, I like the cartoon works of Seth MacFarlane. American Dad! is by far my favorite, but both Family Guy and The Cleveland Show are staples of my Netflix recently watched list. The downside to this is that Ted's humor doesn't really do anything new. It earns its R-Rating and is still the funniest film of 2012 so far, and I almost peed a couple times, but MacFarlane never goes out of his comfort zone. Ted still has 80's references and dark jokes galore, and there are even a few cutaways. Still, it works. Of course now I reach the same problem I always do; how to review a good comedy. I really can't discuss without spoilers, and the jokes in Ted are worth waiting for. Actually to reach back a little, I can say that Ted isn't a movie length, uncensored Family Guy episode. Seth MacFarlane really manages to give the film its own tone and characters. And even though the voices of Ted and Peter Griffin are exactly the same, Ted is a very unique and memorable figure in his own right. The last really great raunchy hit comedy was the original Hangover. But since not knowing what was coming up next was what made it funny, I never saw it more than twice. Multiple viewings of Ted on the other hand, are definitely justifiable. Ted is the kind of raunchy (and I do mean raunchy) that one could find something new to like in each viewing. It's a very funny summer comedy that knows what it's doing and how it wants to do it. Leave the kids at home, but see Ted.

Prometheus

To quote one of my favorite South Park episodes: just because something is convoluted does not mean it's smart. You can put as many subplots and layers and twists as possible and still have a dumb movie. Case in point: The Matrix: Revolutions and the Cube movies. Also, visual flair and lots of symbolic imagery does not a philosophical subtext make. But if you're Ridley Scott and you haven't made a noteworthy film in years, maybe all you want is for people to talk. Mission accomplished I guess. When scientists Elizabeth Shaw (Noomi Rapace) and Charlie Holloway (Logan Marshall-Green) find a series of cryptograms that make a map, they think it was left by our creators. So they board the starship Prometheus for a two-year journey to a moon that supports life. Joined by the android David (Michael Fassbender), their corporate sponsor (Charlize Theron), and a host of others, the two are excited to meet their makers. But what they find may not be what anybody was expecting. Prometheus has some of the absolute best CGI ever put on film. The sheer scope and epicness of the effects, especially in 3D, is simply incredible. But it's also sad, as these aesthetic elements turn out to be the only depth Prometheus really has. Sure the film sets up some really cool questions about the mythos and origins of the Alien universe, but it gets lost. The film takes place in a world where everybody has ulterior motives and arbitrary secrets, and by the end it has nowhere to go. Prometheus is a film that ends before answering anything, and I found that frustrating. I mostly blame the flaws of this film on the writing. The script by Damon Lindelof and John Spaihts knows what it's trying to say, but has absolutely no idea how to say it. Very early on the script makes the decision to chuck hundreds of years of evolutionary science and humanist philosophy out the window in favor of an underdeveloped creationist view that doesn't make any sense. There are some things that Prometheus states to us as super innovative and deep that are just completely wrong. I mean, these are mistakes anyone with access to Wikipedia could correct. Directly after seeing this film I began to criticize it. I didn't hate Prometheus, but my Father's Day activity with my dad was making a list of the nonsense. Neither of us could suspend disbelief enough to buy into all the conspiracy theories and pseudoscience the film was shoving down our throats. Prometheus is entertaining, but when films like Inception manage to successfully be both that and layered and smart, I won't cut slack just because it's Ridley Scott. I really tried to love Prometheus, but in reality it's just a beautifully presented empty box.

Snow White and the Huntsman

Creativity is a good thing. As far as I'm concerned, turning old folklore into something new can be really cool as long you make it your own. The perfect examples are Guillermo Del Toro's Pan's Labyrinth and Neil Gaiman's Sandman graphic novels. For me, along with Fables by Bill Willingham and the Hellboy movies, those two are the ultimate examples of a great reinterpretation. And in the film world, we have rising stars like Tarsem Singh and Joe Cornish doing awesome stuff with traditional concepts. And from the interviews I've read with Snow White's director Rupert Sanders, I can tell he really tried to put a unique spin here. Too bad it all falls apart. Snow White (Kristen Stewart) is a girl with blood red lips and hair black as night who is being imprisoned by her evil sorceress stepmom Queen Ravenna (Charlize Theron). Obsessed with keeping her youth and (quite plentiful) beauty, Ravenna constantly consults her magic mirror, who tells the queen to eat Snow's heart for eternal life. When Snow White escapes into the Dark Forest, Ravenna sends a troubled Huntsman (Chris Hemsworth) after her. But fate has more in store for both the Huntsman and Snow White, and it mainly involves fighting Ravenna's empire in slow motion. Like I already said, I could tell that Rupert Sanders has a good head on his shoulders by watching this film. There's some really cool stuff here in terms of the film's universe and aesthetic design. The CGI is great and pretty to look at and the sets and action clearly had a lot of work put into them. But the writing, dear GOD the writing. And the acting, oy VEY the acting! Snow White had so much potential, but the film chooses to waste its assets and never ends up being any fun. More specifically, the problems with the script and acting are just too easy to pick at and should have been easy to fix. First of all, the script takes character and plot points from everything; nothing about this journey hasn't been done better elsewhere. Second, Charlize Theron really tries, but her performance is so overwrought and melodramatic it's comedic. Third, and here;s the root problem, to believe this film we must believe that Snow White is "fairer" than Ravenna. So when Snow White is Kristen Stewart, who has terrible posture and exactly one and a half facial expressions, I think saying she's fairer than Charlize is asking kind of a lot. I was pleasantly surprised by Snow White and the Huntsman, because when I entered the theater I was expecting another Battleship. If this had a better script and less K-Stew, it would be a totally solid summer fantasy-action flick. But the dialogue, and the Deus-Ex Machina, and the characterization is all ludicrous, and the acting is so dumb I can't compromise. Even though the dwarves' cast includes Nick Frost, Ray Winstone, and Ian McShane, my hands are tied to the faults. And remember, I write with my hands. Still, I do think it can go uphill from here, but as it stands, Snow White and the Huntsman hits the ground crawling.

Men in Black III

Truth be told, I love Will Smith.He is one of the few movie stars that my generation can call its own, and a damn good one at that. He's incredibly charming, he has great politics, and he does his best every time. Smith has made some "eh" movies like Seven Pounds and Wild Wild West, but he is specifically good every time. I love Enemy of the State and Hitch and I Robot, and I even like Independence Day. But my favorite Will Smith films will always be the Men in Black films, even the second one. Well, no changes to report. Agents J (Will Smith) and K (Tommy Lee Jones) are back, and their relationship is on the rocks. Not helping is the fact that Boris the Animal (Jemaine Clement), an old enemy of K's an an unstoppable assassin, has broken out and wants revenge. When Boris' plan succeeds after he jumps back in time and kills K, J finds himself in a world being attacked by some very big and very bad green men. Seeing no other options, J jumps back to 196, the year Boris was arrested. Teaming up with a young K (Josh Brolin), J has to set the record (and the timeline) straight. While MIB 3 is not a horse, it is fair to say that it stumbles hard out of the gate. Seriously, some of the early jokes and one-liners are so freakin' dumb that I quite literally cringed. One scene with Emma Thompson in particular is just embarrassing. But once Josh Brolin shows up, the story whips into shape and the movie starts kicking ass. The acting, jokes, action and storytelling all get way better. And on a side note, Bill Hader as Andy Warhol is fantastic. Of the three MIB movies, this one definitely has the best characters. Josh Brolin's K brings life to the film, Jemaine Clement is hilarious and menacing as Boris, and Michael Stuhlbarg as Griffin is wonderful to watch. I also liked how this film made the wise decision to focus on J and K's relationship. Because even though the gags and the action are the mind and body of this series, that chemistry between the two main characters is the heart and soul. Just as Tommy Lee Jones wouldn't be cool without Will Smith to bounce humor off him, Will would be kind of cheesy without TLJ's seriousness. The exploration of this theme is actually pretty touching too. It is completely fair to say that Hollywood franchises have taken a downhill tunr. The past generation had Terminator, Indiana Jones, and the Matrix. For every Pirates of the Caribbean and Harry Potter we have, there seems to always be a Transformers or an Underworld around the corner. And then there're the Battleships and the Van Helsings, the failures that prove that studios never learn. So until Avengers 2 comes out, I am happy to sit and watch Men in Black 3. It's fun, nostalgic, exciting, and pretty moving near the end. So hop in, slap on your sunglasses, and take a ride.

Battleship

Being someone who was raised Jewish in New York City, I know when it's appropriate to just say "oy." Not "oy" followed by curses and epithets. Just to sit down, put the thumb and the first two fingers of my hands to my forehead, and say "oy." For example, when major movie studios begin producing films based on board games, it is appropriate to say "oy." Man is it ever appropriate while watching Battleship to say "oy." Alex Hopper (Taylor Kitsch), is an unemployed screwup whose behavior is so bad, his older brother Stone (Alexander Skarsgaard) makes Alex join him in the navy. A year later, on the eve on the annual international naval war games, the ships of Alex, Stone, and a Japanese rew are trapped in a forcefield after setting out. The entrapped destroyers are then forced into battle with three alien ships all armed to the teeth. Meanwhile, Alex's physical therapist girlfriend (Brooklyn Decker) is stuck in the mountains with a whole mess of ET's trying to phone home. And of course, hijinks ensue. The first thing most rational people asked when seeing the first trailers for Battleship was: "why?" I myself thought it was fake. But no, it's real, and I watched it. And after all the uproar and the complaining and the jokes, I'm kind of disappointed that the film isn't really a big deal. It isn't good, GOD no, but it isn't the antichrist. Battleship is just kind of there; nobody would mind if it was made twenty years ago. Of course it has all the crackpot jingoism, all the ludicrous twists, and all the bad acting you could want, but I didn't despise it like I thought I would. Don't get me wrong, Battleship is one of the most inept, cheesy, and moronic blockbusters of recent years, but I don't want to waste energy on it. Unlike Transformers or Dragonball: Evolution, it didn't rape my childhood. Unlike Daybreakers, it didn't talk down to me. I just don't care that much. However, the script and direction make no damn sense, the actors take it way too seriously, and it's just silly. Why is Rihanna the only girl in the navy? Why do the aliens make a battlefield? Why can alien missiles pass the field bot not human ones? The list goes on. I really don't think there was a point of me writing this review. Quite literally everybody knew Battleship was gonna suck, and lo and behold it totally did. I doubt that Hasbro will learn that adapting toys that had a cartoon, comics, and an animated film to live action is easier than adapting a board game, but who cares? Battleship has come and gone, it failed at the box office, nobody had the desire to talk about it, and we should just leave it at that. This is in the end only a blip on the radar. A terrible blip, but a blip.

The Avengers

I can't believe this. I can't believe that I, Jess Linde, am sitting down to review The Avengers. This is a film I've been waiting for since I discovered comic books. Now it's here, and it's made up from other movies put together. Movies with real stars and real directors that really happened. The Avengers. It's real. It's real, and it's directed by nerd-god Joss Whedon. And, it's a masterpiece of both superhero and action cinema. I can't believe this. Loki (Tom Hiddleston) is back to harness the power of the tesseract and invade earth with his alien army. Shoved into a corner, Nick Fury (Samuel L. Jackson) activates the Avenger Initiative, a proposed team of the world's greatest misfits. Those gathered are: Iron Man (Robert Downey, Jr,), Captain America (Chris Evans), Thor (Chris Hemsworth), Black Widow (Scarlett Johansonn), Hawkeye (Jeremy Renner), and Dr. Bruce "Hulk" Banner (Mark Ruffalo). Now, these clashing personas must come together and be earth's mightiest heroes. Wow. Just wow. I have to admit, I never thought I'd see a non-Dark Knight superhero blockbuster that does everything perfectly. The effects, the acting, the story, the script, the action; I have no complaints as both a comic book geek and a film buff. Somehow, Joss Whedon managed to combine the signature tones of each character and their respective films without any hitches or bumps. That, and he gives The Avengers its own signature feel and experience. The only words I have are: holy crap. There really isn't much else for me to say. The acting has never been better, the character and story development is perfect, the script is great, and it's just so epic. I haven't been this excited about a big-budget action movie since Avatar. Sure, Avatar had its problems, but the moviegoing experience was unique and made it worth seeing on a huge screen. For me it was also like that with Hugo. The Avengers just does it all right, and there is also great subtext under the whiz and the bang. There really is meaning behind how the characters come together as a team. Oh, and it's also got some sides-splitting humor to boot. You see, if I didn't love the feeling of sitting my butt down in front of a huge screen, I wouldn't review films. For me the point of new movies is to see them in the theater not on your laptop. When one has the option of checking Facebook between scenes, the experience is lost. Seeing a movie in the theater with friends while eating popcorn and candy and drinking soda is a beautiful experience that bonds people like no other. The Avengers made that experience true for me as well as thousands of others. Be part of it. Go see The Avengers.