The Expendables 2

The first Expendables was disappointing, at least to me. I didn't see the point of Terry Crews and Randy Cotoure, I wasn't big on the villain, and there wasn't enough blood. Seriously, I could make a list of people who should've been in the last movie, but that would take way too long. This inevitable sequel has a few of the people that list, and a few I didn't overall. Overall, I was more confident with this movie going in. Should I have been? Lemme tell you. Barney Ross (Stallone), Lee Christmas (Statham), and the rest of their gang of bad puns have returned, but so has Mr. Church (Willis), and he's calling in his favor. Threatening the team with prison time, Church sends them on a routine snatch-grab that turns bad fast with the arrival of Jean Vilain (Van Damme), a terrorist for hire. After Vilain makes it personal, the Expendables are left with no option but payback. Now in a world where the odds are against them, these steroid-pumped seniors must get paid back, no matter the cost. If nothing else, Expendables 2 is consistent. From the very beginning, reality is head-butted out of the way, and we are treated to a buffet of eighties action cliches, gore, bad CGI, worst plastic surgery, bromance, and Dolph Lundgren. There's more action, more blood, more one-liners, and more nostalgia. Sadly, it's not as great as it may sound. Jet Li disappears around fifteen minutes in, and Liam Hemsworth leaves soon after, only to be replaced by a generic "I can take care of myself" girl character. And my main man Jean-Claude throws barely five roundhouses. For some reason Stallone decided to focus more on specific characters than the team, and the film suffers. Also not helping is the schizophrenic and ridiculous plot that tries too often to be brooding and fails miserably. But when you see Stallone, Willis, and Schwarzenegger all together blowing away armies of henchmen, it's difficult not to enjoy yourself. I admit that I have a bias towards loving Arnold no matter his age, but still, it's pretty glorious at parts. The overall action is just better, with more attention paid to being fun to watch than brutal. And yes, there's a Chuck Norris fact. And yes, it's pretty funny. People expecting anything deep or smart from Expendables 2 shouldn't go see it. At the same time, people who want to see it shouldn't expect much. The Expendables 2 is a silly and fun action movie, nothing else. It is very flawed and very dumb, but I still enjoyed it way more than the first one. I like to check my brain at the door every now and then, so I welcomed this movie, however I completely understand why someone wouldn't like it. The Expendables 2 is a big goofy train ride that's a lot of fun if you're in the right mindset. That's all it will ever be, so take it or leave it.