Rating: .5/5
This is it. The final battle. Autobots versus Decepticons, Shia Labeouf vs Acting, and Michael Bay versus my intelligence. When I went in trying to like this movie, I thought once it started that I would be as angry as I was at Transformers 2. But I was just weary of the whole damn thing. Let's just get this over with shall we?
Sam Witwicky (Shia Labeouf) is back and looking for a job in Washington while living with his new girlfriend Carly (Rosie Huntington-Whitely). Meanwhile, an ancient Autobot ship is found on the moon, and both sides of the war want it. So, Sam has to be as quirky as possible while fighting evil.
First of all, no, this Transformers movie isn't as bad as the last one, but that's kind of like saying one Nazi is slightly less evil than another because he only killed 50 Jews instead of 60. Don't get me wrong, I like stupid movies where robots beat the hell out of each other. I just hate sitting through two hours of Shia Labeouf and his parents.
The character of Sam is whiny, obnoxious, selfish, and quite frankly mean spirited overall. All he does is scream at his girlfriend and Bumblebee and demand that he get recognition for running around screaming in the last two movies. It's infuriating how horrible he is, especially because the audience is supposed to relate to him.
Rosie Huntington-Whitely is better than Megan Fox, but that still doesn't matter. She has no real point of existence and just provides another excuse for Michael Bay to be an objectifying chauvinist. Let's address that actually. The racism, homophobia, and sexism are still all there, especially towards the end, and the plot still doesn't make any goddamn sense, the robots are impossible to tell one from another, the dialogue is hair tearingly awful, and the humor is so stupid I lost brain cells.
And so the most profitable (and worst) franchise in the last decade comes to an end. Is there really a point to me reviewing this? No, it already made $100 million at the box office. Can I still kvetch about it? Of course. If you haven't seen it, don't, all one of you.
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