Unknown Review

Rating: 1.5/5

After seeing a lot of action movies like "Unknown" that try to rip off the Bourne trilogy, I've noticed a couple of things. First of all, if you see a person with short hair and glasses, they're evil. Second, if they are talking on the phone, they are evil. Third, if the aforementioned evil people have a henchman or two, these henchmen will be idiots. Follow these rules and I'm sure you'll be able to survive any realistic action movie that comes your way.

Martin Harris (Liam Neeson) is a scientist attending a biotechnology conference in Berlin. When he reaches the hotel with his wife (the incredibly skinny January Jones), Martin realizes that he left an important briefcase at the airport. When he hails a taxi to retrieve the briefcase, Harris gets in a car accident and his memories are jumbled. When he goes back to the hotel, he finds that there is a person posing to be him that has taken over his life. Or has he?

First of all, this movie has a plot twist. A really, really, REALLY stupid plot twist. It comes out of nowhere with no buildup or hints. Then again, most of the movie doesn't make any sense anyway so who cares. People defy the laws of physics, conversations go nowhere, the characters are stock and boring, and the characters seem to have been beaten over the head with the stupid stick.

The biggest thing that bothered me in the movie was that nothing anybody does makes any sense. When a villain thinks Liam Neeson might have escaped through a window, instead of telling his spectacled friend, he goes outside and CLOSES the window behinds him. When Neeson pulls amazing stick shift driving skills out of nowhere, no one questions it. When the crew meets an ex-member of the east German secret police, the first thing he does is admit his past, even though he doesn't know these people and the Stazi are still being hunted in Germany.

Anyway, the acting is wooden, the accents are fake, and again, everyone is an idiot. January Jones is incredibly suspicious, but everyone ignores that fact when she dramatically goes into another person's room. Frank Langella and Liam Neeson both look embarrassed, and it comes together in the stupidest finale I've seen in a looooong time. It's not badass, or cool, or dramatic, it's happy, a Disney ending. I call bull. Or do I?