The Last Airbender Review

Rating: .5/5

A warning: usually I try to critique a movie, but this is a rant.


I have to congratulate Mr Shyamalan. He is the first filmmaker since Michael Bay to make a movie that has warranted half a star on my scale. For those of you who don't know, half a star on my scale means that the film in question is unwatchable/so bad it's BAD. Let's jump in shall we?

The Last Airbender's first failing is that it tries to condense a 15+ episode first season of the show into 90 minutes. This ends up being the films downfall because there's no character or story development, endless exposition, and one huge event after another. This isn't helped by the fact that the actors are TERRIBLE!! Seriously, there was not one moment that I believed in any if these actors!

Dialogue? What dialogue? Effects? Sloppy! Direction? Laughable! Fight scenes? I've seen better Kung fu in Power Rangers!! None of the effects match the movements of the actors! Never!! Also, going back to my statement about the actors, the only one who even tries is Dev Patel, but he can't bring life to the lines.

Also, all the energy and life that the cartoon had is gone. The movie takes itself extremely seriously, and as a result the Studio Ghibli style feeling of magic just isn't their. The experience just doesn't feel fantastical like it should feel.

Overall, The Last Airbender is a truly painful experience. Giving money to see it is like thanking the person who just burned down your house. Please, please don't see this movie!! Resist the urge, no matter how strong.

Predators Review

Rating: 3.5/5

The original "Predator" is right up there with Commando, Bloodsport, The Terminator, and First Blood as one of the greats of 80's action. "Predator 2," while much sillier, was entertaining nonetheless. Plus, it had more Predators, which is what many viewers came back for, and what the original is mostly remembered for.

Then, came Alien Vs Predator, and it was bad. Then, AVP: R, and it was really bad. And now, "Predators." Can it resurrect this franchise? Let's find out, shall we?

So, the universe's most dangerous creatures, including several special forces members, killers, and gangsters from Earth have been dropped on a mysterious planet. Royce, well-played by Adrien Brody, figures out that they are being hunted, and the group inevitably runs into the Predators. Despite being pretty simple, the premise works and never becomes convoluted.

Even though none of the cast match up to the walking piles of testosterone that was the original cast, they all do the job well and the characters are intriguing and fun to watch. That is, except for Topher Grace. I have no problems with the man as an actor, but he is completely out of place in an action movie, just like he was in Spider-Man 3. Anyway, the cast is just fine.

However, what makes Predators worth watching is the action. It's very creative, very suspenseful, and very, VERY bloody, just like it should be. The fact that the AVP films were PG-13 were, in my opinion, an extreme detractor from the entertainment value, especially considering the violence in the original. Predators is not afraid, and has tons of awesome and hilarious gore effects.

Besides the violence though, Predators does not take any risks, and this is the main problem I had with the film. Many things are hinted at, like the Predator homeworld, different types of Predators, and a possible civil war within the species. None of these things are explored at all, and I really would have liked to see that.

Overall, "Predators" isn't the worst action movie I've ever seen, but it's definitely not on par with the original. I say check it out if you are a fan, or are just curious.

Inception Review

Rating: 5/5

Let's talk Christopher Nolan. He's one of if not the most intriguing director of the last 10 years. I have seen 5 out of the man's 7 films, and with the exception of The Prestige, which I need to see again, I loved them all.

Memento is great, Batman Begins is good, The Dark Knight is brilliant, and now we come to Inception. Inception, the best movie of the year so far that isn't Pixar related. Inception is, in my humble opinion, Christopher Nolan's finest film, besides The Dark Knight. I am going to see this movie at least once more, because I want to find new ways to interpret it.

This review will have no spoilers, and no plot info, because I want YOU to see what you think of the plot. I will say this: the plot is one of the most well developed, thought out, and original plots I've ever seen. It's almost impossible to not be drawn into the eerie atmosphere, which is only enhanced by the incredible music by Hans Zimmer.

The characters are incredibly well developed and you care about all of them. Leo pulls out all the stops, and I think it's one of my favorite DiCaprio performances. Joseph G Levitt is amazing as always, as are Ken Watanabe and Tom Hardy, and I think this is the first movie with Ellen Page that I didn't dislike her. In fact, she was one of my favorites!

The effects, while being incredible and on a massive scale, are surprisingly not show-offy. They complement the film whenever used. Going back to the plot, there are many subplots that, unlike most movies these days, are not left unsolved or underdeveloped. They could each be their own major plot, but work so well intertwined in the actual main plot it's astonishing.

The script is officially the best this year. Never does it fall behind or disappoint. The dialogue is brilliant, that's all. Overall, I can't continue this review much longer, because I'm looking up movie times to see Inception again. I loved it, and I bet you will too when you see it, which you should. Right now.

Despicable Me Review

Rating: 4/5

Let's face it. Despicable Me is a movie for little kids. But, it has just enough humour for adults that you won't get bored. The minute Gru walks through the door of the Bank of Evil (formerly Lehman Brothers), you know what you're in for.

The humour ranges from silly to sillier, but it all works, surprisingly. The characters are memorable and funny, the story is fun and never boring, and the minions are awesome.

Despicable Me is not something that will give Pixar a run for its money. It isn't better than the 1st Shrek movie, and it probably won't dethrone Toy Story as the next big franchise. What it is is a sweet, heartfelt, and fun experience. I recommend it.

Knight and Day Review

Rating: 2/5

I really hate reviewing movies like "Knight and Day." Why? Because they're BORING. Movies like this one are nothing more than 2 hours or so of cliches, bad jokes, and crappy action scenes. It's really hard to review something so bland. But here we go.

Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz are Agent Roy and mechanic June, and Roy has been set up by a rogue CIA agent blah blah blah. They don't like each other, then they fall in love etc. There are all kinds of continuity errors, the script sucks, instead of action sequences Diaz just gets knocked out, etc.

That's really all I can say about the movie. It's forgettable, bland, and just unremarkable in every way it attempts to be creative in. Combine that with the fact that the villain is a legitimate businessman, and you've got yourself an experience not worth having.

Jonah Hex Review

Rating: 1.5/5

Now, I never really got into the Jonah Hex comics. However, what I do know about them is that they are gritty, ultraviolent, and very realistic. "Jonah Hex" is none of these. This movie is boring, cheesy, ridiculous, stupid, and ultimately too short to be remembered well or hated. Just forget it exists.

Splice Review

Rating: 2/5

Last year, "District 9" wowed the film world with its great acting, realistic cgi, and a surprisingly intelligent storyline. This year, "Splice" tries to do the same thing. Does it? Not really.

Clive and Elsa are two gene splicing experts at a pharmeceutical company. One day, the two try to prove to themselves that they can successfully splice human DNA with that of several animals. The result of this venture is Dren, a winged, bird footed, tailed creature.

What follows is a series of predictable horror scenarios that try to be disturbing, but aren't really. The acting is fine, but the script is lackluster. The effects are either mediocre or not there at all for no reason.

When I first left the theatre, I thought Splice was messed up. The more I thought about it however, I just thought the movie was a mess. The most important thing, how Clive and Elsa create Dren, is never explained. We don't know how gene splicing period makes sense, and we don't know what any of the animals in Dren are except for human. Overall, Splice is just another forgettable horror movie.

Toy Story 3 Review

Rating: 5/5

The first Toy Story movie was the first movie I ever saw. As a result, Toy Story is and always will be my favorite Pixar series. The first 2 Toy Stories were heartwarming, funny, sad, and poignant, and this final installment brings all of that to a new level.

With the first two dealing with heavy issues like abandonment and one's purpose in life, Toy Story 3 finds Woody and the gang with their biggest one yet: mortality. With Andy off to college, the rest of the toys feel abandoned and accept it when Andy's mom donates them to a day care. At first this seems like a dream, a perfect environment for a group of toys who just want to be played with.

However, they find that this is not the case, and they must rebel against the mafia-like hierarchy of Lotso-Huggin Bear (brilliantly voiced by Ned Beatty). Tim Allen, Tom Hanks, and the rest of the usuals are perfect in their roles. The animation? Beautiful. The story? Awesome. The humour? Hysterical. The ending? Tear-jerking. If you like movies of any kinds, go see this movie. Now.

P.S.
to all the people and critics who claim that Toy Story 3 has too much product placement, you're wrong. It rips into the famous toys, but uses them because PEOPLE ACTUALLY PLAY WITH THEM. I mean come on, it's not always about the fat cats in Hollywood.

The A-Team Review

Rating: 3.5/5

I have never seen the A-Team show and I never plan to. However, I love action movies, especially big explosive ones that don't take themselves too seriously. This is one of those. The performances are good, especially Sharlto Copley and Rampage Jackson, and even though there are a few parts that stretch my disbelief a bit too far, I still say go see it, because it's better than most of the action movies these days.

Get Him to the Greek Review

Rating: 4.5/5

My favorite part of "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" was Jason Segel's character and his Dracula musical. However, it seems that everyone else loved Russell Brand's rebellious rockstar Aldous Snow. And so, we come to Get Him to the Greek, one of THE funniest movies I've seen since Pineapple Express.

Brand returns as the totally out of control Aldous Snow, who has to be herded to the Greek theatre by Jonah Hill in a last-ditch effort to make a ton of money for Snow's record label. What follows is a series of hysterical scenes, some of which are so funny that I can't choose a favorite.

My personal favorite element of the whole thing though, is P Diddy. He brings so much energy to the movie, and every joke he's involved in his totally hysterical. Anyway, DEFINITELY go see this movie, because it's just so funny.

Prince of Persia Review

Rating: 3/5

There are a lot of reasons not to see Prince of Persia. One, it's a video game movie, a genre that has a pretty bad track record. Two, you may be offended that Jake Gyllenhaal, a white man, is playing a Persian prince.

Let me put one of those fears to rest. Even though every video game movie imaginable is bad beyond belief, PoP is not. The main reason for this is that instead of trying to adapt the story of the game, it says "screw it" and comes up with an original story that keeps the spirit of the game.

Now, I've played my way through the entirety of the game this movie is based on, and it's just ok. The movie is also this. It doesn't take itself too seriously and has some cool effects and action sequences. But the acting is pretty hammy besides Ben Kingsley and Gyllenhaal. Back to the race issue, it's really hard to see why they didn't cast someone like Oded Fehr, even though Jake does a fine job. Overall, see this if you have nothing else to see.

Shrek 4ever After Review

Rating: 2.5/5

The original Shrek was great. The second one was ok. The third one sucked. This one doesn't need to exist. It's definitely bad, but not as eye-gougingly bad as the last one. I honestly will not miss the Shrek franchise. Besides an very funny Puss n Boots, the movie is just Shrek and Donkey making bad pop culture jokes that no one likes. The 3-D is also pointless. Just skip Shrek 4 I can't come up with anything to say about it.

Robin Hood Review

2/5

Robin Hood is one of those old legends that's basically impossible to do a movie of, because no one knows who he is and nobody really cares either. I know who Robin Hood is, and I know the gist of the mythos, but I also don't care about the idea of making a new Robin Hood movie.

I do care and like the idea of an alternate version of Robin Hood where Robby is the villain, and the sheriff of Nottingham is the hero. That's what this movie was supposed to be. Then, for whatever reason, they changed it to an origin story. A bad one.

Robin Hood is almost 3hrs long, and 95% of it could have been Gladiator with leather pants, if you had titled it differently. Then, just about when it's almost done, the movie remembers it's title and Robin is declared an outlaw.

Anyway, on to the technical stuff. Russel Crowe and Cate Blanchett are fine, but they are both MUCH too old to be playing the roles of Maids and Knights. The movie plods along, again, has nothing to do with Robin Hood, and is BORING AS HECK. Also, the script is just stupid. No character development except for Robin and Marion, the action is boring, the characters constantly spout terrible 1 liners, etc. Also, I guess this is a nitpick, but there's this subplot with these freakin' forest orphans that makes no sense at shouldn't exist.

Also, I know the Robin Hood backstory, and this movie ignores it. I'm all for reinterpretations, but just because people haven't heard of something doesn't mean you can just ignore it. All in all, only see Robin Hood if you're in need of a nap.

Iron Man 2 Review

Rating: 4.5/5

The second installment of the best film franchise in the history of Marvel Comics is finally here! Man am I excited. The first one was great! Is the second? Let's take a look.

Tony Stark is back, and he's not happy. Turns out the very thing keeping his heart going his slowly giving him blood poisoning. As a result, Tony sets up a series of clever turnouts that give Pepper Potts the CEO position, and a certain friend something else.

Ok, I'm going to stop being coy, Don Cheadle (who is much better than Terrence Howard) gets a suit and becomes War Machine!! Nick Fury returns!! Scarlett Johansson is Black Widow, and spends most of the time in a tight leather bodysuit!!! All the components are great!! The movie is fun!! My only complaint is, Mickey Rourke doesn't get enough to work with, but Sam Rockwell is great!!!

Ok, nerdsplosion over. In all seriousness, the whole movie is just on a higher level than the first one. The characters are deeper, the writing is smarter, and the plot is going more to the AVENGERS!!!!! Anyway, Iron Man 2 is a lot of fun, so go see it. Now.

A Nightmare on Elm Street (2010) Review

Rating: 1.5/5

Freddy Krueger, along with Michael Myers, Leatherface, and Jason Voorhees, is one of the four staples of 80's horror. And, like Myers, Leatherface, and Voorhees, Freddy has now been remade by the man himself: Michael Bay. Let's dive in shall we?

Just like in the original, the new "Nightmare on Elm Street" centers around a group of teens who are haunted in their dreams by a burned man in a sweater with knives on his fingers. This man is of course, Freddy Krueger. Exactly! Everybody knows who Freddy is, and it's not like Friday the 13th where it's just Jason lumbering around slashing people.

Freddy has a personality, he's funny, he's memorable! But not this Freddy. This Freddy, played by the massively talented Jackie Earl Haley, barely has much dialogue, and you almost never see his face. Like I said, we know who Freddy is!! Stop hiding him, even if the makeup is stupid looking!!

Also, why is Freddy a child molester now? That fact just makes the whole experience just creepy and uncomfortable to watch. Anyway, there's too much focus on the unmemorable teenagers, the writing sucks and it's BORING. I don't wanna talk about this movie anymore, so just skip it.