Green Hornet Review

Rating: 1/5

In the 60's TV was revolutionized when ABC released the original Batman show. Starring Adam West and Burt Ward, it was a very light-hearted show that was really funny and very important in the history of the bat. At one point, ABC tried to capitalize on the bat-craze by resurrecting a forgotten radio character: the Green Hornet. It lasted half a season, but introduced the world to Bruce Lee as Kato. This move definitely does not do anything that cool.

Britt Reid (Seth Rogen) is the son of the chief editor of The Sentinel newspaper, a hardcore investigative paper. Britt's dad has always been mean to him (or so he thinks), and so Britt is a hardcore party boy. When his dad is murdered, Britt teams up with his dad's mechanic and coffee maker Kato and becomes the Green Hornet, and fights against the head criminal in town (Christoph Waltz).

Now, there are three main problems with this movie. Problem #1: the acting. I love Seth Rogen as much as the next guy, but I don't go to a superhero movie to see 2 hours of schtick. The whole premise is simply "Seth Rogen is a superhero." Kind of like how Bee Movie is "Jerry Seinfeld is a bee." Seth Rogen brings nothing to the table except the lovable manchild we all know him as. Christoph Waltz tries his best with a lackluster script, but Chudnofsky is just a one dimensional villain. The worst of the bunch is Jay Chou as Kato. Chou does not speak English, and as a result, does not act in English well.

Problem #2: The directing. Michel Gondry is a very talented guy, but who's stupid idea was it to get him for a superhero movie? He does great art movies, but here when there's random bits of pretentiousness that come out of nowhere, it's stupid. Problem #3: the premise itself. Green Hornet and Kato's method of heroism is: pretend to be villains, i.e. murder people, blow stuff up, steal, deal drugs, and etc, and use this to get close to real bad guys, and beat them up too. Our heroes ladies and gentlemen.

Despite all these flaws, it should be ok, because it's a comedy right? Yes, but it is absolutely NOT ok, because it is even less funny than Due Date, which I thought nearly impossible. None of the jokes work, none of them are clever, and besides a cameo at the beginning by James Franco, I didn't even smile. Seth Rogen shtick does not equal competent superhero movie, which it tries to be along with the shtick. The characters are cliche, most of it makes little sense, and it's completely forgettable in every possible way. Not painfully bad, but you won't remember any of it after you see it.

The Illusionist Review

Rating: 4/5

Have you ever seen something and hated it? I mean really, really hated it? Not something like The Last Airbender that you know you're gonna dislike, but something that you have hope for, like I did with Transformers 2 and Kick-Ass. When I first saw The Illusionist, I jumped on the hate train. I'm glad I got off.

The Illusionist is the story of an aging French magician, constantly traveling and constantly alone. He tries his best to stay afloat, but with the dawn of the 60's and all that came with it, the magician slowly is becoming irrelevant. After a gig in the Scottish highlands, he meets a young girl, Alice, who is fascinated and amazed by the magician's act and decides to follow him on his travels.

What follows is a series of scenes that are range from funny to beautiful, but are all melancholy. The movie is almost sickeningly upsetting and emotional in some parts. Like I said, at first I despised this movie because I thought it was too sad. All I saw was a poor, aging vaudevillian who was taken advantage of at every turn. But as I thought about it I realized that that's not all this movie is.

In traditional opera and theater, the clown or the fool is often a magician, as well as a tragic character. The same can be said here. The magician in the movie is thanked once, and doesn't have any friends or family. However, in his travels he brings joy to people. To the scots, Alice, his pet rabbit, in the end he gives them something that they need to continue their lives. That is the beauty of the story.

Just like Triplets of Belleville, the hand drawn animation is gorgeous and unique. The sound design is also of note. Everything that moves has a sound and sounds like the object should sound. I thought this kind of production was impossible outside of Studio Ghibli, but I'm glad I was mistaken.

If you're in the mood for something unlike anything else out there, and you're tough enough to stand the overwhelming melancholy, treat yourself to The Illusionist. It's a beautiful story told beautifully. It's not nearly as good as Toy Story, but it's worth your time.

Somewhere Review

Rating: 2.5/5

Depression is not an easy thing to make it through. You could be the most powerful person in the world, and not be able to make a change. Why? Because when you are depressed, you're stuck in a rut. It's happened to both me and people I know, so trust me. It's not that you can't do what you want, it's that you don't want to.

Johnny Marco (Stephen Dorff) is a Russell Crowe level actor living in Hollywood's Chateau Marmont Hotel. He has one hanger-on friend (Chris Pontius), and a stream of fast cars and pretty women to keep him occupied. When his young daughter Cleo (Elle Fanning) is dropped suddenly into his life, Johnny, sees an opportunity to make a human connection and improve himself.

The character of Johnny Marco is depressed, that's no doubt. He drives his Ferrari aimlessly, he sleeps a lot, and when he has twin strippers, he barely pays attention. However, the performances of both Johnny and Cleo are never really brought up to anything outstanding. The direction is not as good as other Sofia Coppola movies, and to be honest, it's pretty boring.

Now, Somewhere does present an interesting portrait of depression. Considering that Coppola herself lived in a series of hotels as a child and that her dad was never around, I understand where she's trying to come from. The story never comes together though, and is more of a character study. For me personally, this doesn't work. The movie never gets anywhere, it just stays in the middle of nowhere. Your call.

True Grit Review

Rating: 5/5

Out of all the movies I watch, I really have a soft spot for westerns. High Noon, Tombstone, Shane, I love that stuff. Hell, I've played Red Dead Redemption while listening to Ennio Morricone, and I'd probably wear cowboy boots if I had them. I'm not sure what it is, I just love westerns. In recent years, the western genre has been hit and miss. There's stuff like Appaloosa which is awesome, and stuff like 3:10 to Yuma which is eh. True Grit is directed by the Coen brothers, and therefore, it's awesome.

Marshall Reuben J. "Rooster" Cogburn (Jeff Bridges) is a drunken, chain-smoking old lawman who's seen better years. Rooster is hired by a young Mattie Ross (Hailee Steinfeld) to hunt down Tom Chaney (Josh Brolin), the man who killed her father. On their way, Mattie and Rooster are joined by Texas Ranger La Boef (Matt Damon), and hijinks ensue.

The Coen Brothers are two of my favorite writer-directors, and they certainly don't disappoint here. The dialogue is fantastic, the direction flawless, and the dark humor very funny. Seriously, I've never seen the John Wayne movie, but it can't be as well directed or written as this.

What really makes the movie is the performances. Jeff Bridges, while sometimes hard to understand, is in top form as Rooster, and is just as badass as ever while still being hilarious. Matt Damon is lovable as the slightly foolish La Boef, and Josh Brolin is great as the lowlife scumball Tom Chaney. The most notable performance however, is Hailee Steinfeld. I can't believe this is her first movie. There are vets who can't act as well as she does here.

Overall, True Grit is a great addition to the western genre, as well as the Coen filmography. It is both worth your time and your money.

127 Hours Review

Rating: 5/5

Once, someone tried to argue to me the brilliance of Danny Boyle by talking about the fact that he apparently stands while filming and never sits. That is not a sign of a good director, it's the sign of someone with a lot of stamina. Anyway, my point is that I have mixed opinions about the films of Danny Boyle. His movies range from pretty stupid (28 Days Later), to great (Slumdog Millionaire). Thankfully this is in the latter category.

Aron Ralston (James Franco) is a mountaineering and canyon enthusiast. He periodically goes out on his own, and explores caves and crevices and the like. On one trip, he forgets to bring his swiss army knife, and to leave a note on where he's going. While climbing down a canyon wall, Ralston slips and dislodges a rock, which traps his arm. He then examines his life, and decides to live, no matter what it takes.

127 Hours does something that I haven't seen at all this year. It holds an entire story that's just one guy and a rock. And it does it extremely well. James Franco is superb as Aron, and the claustrophobic cinematography is both gorgeous and terrifying. Seriously, I was so glad it wasn't me in between the rock and the hard place when I was watching this thing.

What's really amazing about the story is just the incredible will to live we see in Ralston. This guy doesn't care if he has to slice all of his limbs off, as long as he can make it back to the people and places he loves. That said, let me address the amputation scene. No, I do not understand why it had people fainting and vomiting. I've seen way gorier (wiki Cannibal Holocaust and Frontier(s).), but this scene is still pretty disturbing. After you've been trhough so much with the guy, you really can feel his pain, and no matter what freaky horror movies are out there, watching a guy snap his tendon is pretty gnarly.

127 Hours is an awesome movie that tells an amazing story in an amazing way. My only complaint is that A.R. Rahman's music is out of place and doesn't fit the mood. The most effective scenes are when there is no music and it's just Franco alone. I say see it, see it, see it.

Black Swan Review

Rating: 5/5

Darren Aronofsky is truly one of the best directors of the new generation. I've never seen Pi or Requiem for a Dream, but The Wrestler is amazing and The Fountain is really underrated. Trust me, if you want to enjoy The Fountain sit down and say "this is gonna be weird" before turning on the movie. Anyway, this is Black Swan, the best thriller I've seen all year.

Nina (Natalie Portman) is a sheltered, immature ballet dancer for the New York ballet. She gets the dream role of swan queen in swan lake, but there's a problem. You see, in many productions of swan lake, the same dancer is both the innocent, virginal white swan and the evil, lustful black swan. Nina has no trouble being perfect as the white swan, but to her director (Vincent Cassel)'s chagrin, she just can't dance the black. Enter Lily (Mila Kunis), who parties, sleeps around, is an overall wild child, and can dance the black swan perfectly. From these two characters spins a truly terrifying drop into insanity.

The first thing I have to mention is how absolutely gorgeous this movie is. The cinematography, the set design, the women and the costumes are all beautiful. Directing-wise it's perfect, and writing wise it's even better. I have never so scared watching a ballerina as I was during some of these scenes. Natalie Portman absolutely deserves best actress for her portrayal of a woman under mind-crushing pressure. Vincent Cassel deserves at least a nomination for supporting actor, and wow, Mila Kunis actually acts in this. Seriously, it's her best performance ever.

What really sucks you into Black Swan however is the atmosphere. It feels like the ballet is a world unto itself. There are numerous parts where you don't know what exactly you are watching, and like I said earlier, it's absolutely terrifying at parts.

Now, before I end this review I have to address the subject of objectification. Yes, it is true that this movie has a lesbian scene. However, unlike what some people think, it is not there for no reason and people who like that scene are not chauvinistic pigs. The lesbian scene has really interesting symbolism in the plot, is an important scene for character development on Portman's part, and yes, it is hot. That scene is not the only reason to go see the movie, and it is definitely not there to lure horny teenagers in.

See, if Natalie Portman/Mila Kunis were constantly topless and there were unnecessary shots of their tuchuses, that would be exploitation of sexuality, and objectification of the two women. It would also mean the movie was way worse. Thankfully that isn't the case in either sense. We don't get a porno, we get a magnificently constructed, beautifully terrifying film that you cannot miss.

The Fighter Review

Rating: 3/5


The thing about boxing movies is that most of them are the same. They're about a funny accented middle class shlub who finally realizes their potential but has to deal with their personal and/or family problems. And there's always a big title fight coming up. Some movies, like Rocky and Raging Bull, are classics, partly because they did it first. Others like Cinderella Man and this movie don't reach the heights of the others, not just because they came later.

Micky Ward (Mark Wahlberg) is a quiet, shy, and introverted young toughie from Lowell, Massachusetts. His motormouth brother Dickie (Christian Bale) used to be somewhat of a local hero, and even went up against the then famous "Sugar Ray" Leonard. However, Dickie got addicted to crack, and decided to start shoving his dreams on little Micky. Along with a crazy mom and sisters, Micky is the one who sits in the corner while everyone says "right, Micky?" When Charlene, an inspirational bartender, enters Micky's life, he decides that he needs to do well in the ring, with or without Dickie.

Like most movie I find bland, The Fighter is based on a true story. I say bland because with a simple google search can tell you everything you need to know about the story. So, anyone with internet access can find out the end. But for a movie like this, you don't need to know the end, because it's a boxing movie! Anyway, overall, The Fighter is just ok. Mark Wahlberg is, well, Mark Wahlberg, and as usual is flat. Christian Bale on the other hand performs one of his best performances ever as Dickie. He really steals the show. The rest of the cast is fine and gets their job done.

The writing and the directing is where the problem really lies. It's boring, and we don't get invested in Micky at all. I literally found myself wanting to see more of the supporting cast than the main character. There's just no emotion put into anything. The movie wants to be Rocky too badly, and it's shot like a TV movie so it doesn't succeed very well.

From all this critique, you might wonder why I gave The Fighter 3 stars. To this I say: because it's entertaining and harmless. While I wouldn't want to see the movie again, I enjoyed it. Your call.