The Losers Review

Rating-4/5

I, like basically every male being currently alive, enjoy action movies. Every now and then, I just like to drop my brain in a bowling ball bag and be entertained. Terminator 2 and Commando are perfect examples great action movies that don't take themselves too seriously. Then there's stuff like Terminator 4 and Daybreakers. Those movies make the mistake of thinking that their audience actually want to see political allegory or existential contemplation more than vampire hunters and evil robots. Thankfully "The Losers," based on a comic book series that I haven't read (yet), does not do those things. There's no dramatic narration or scenes where the main character breaks down and cries, just to show that even badasses are human. No, The Losers knows exactly what it wants to be. And what it wants to be is a well written action movie with funny and memorable characters and cool action. Is the story original? No. Have the action ideas it comes up with been done in other places? Yes. Does the movie know this and make sure we know it too and love every minute of it? Absolutely. My personal favorite character is the man-of-few-words Cougar, but the biggest surprise is Chris Evans, making a turn to play a character that I can stand. Also, Jeffrey Dean Morgan NEEDS to be in more action movies. He's so calm and collected, but at the same time is totally badass and awesome. And of course, the villain, Max. This guy is hilarious. He violates every villain cliche, but pulls it off so smugly and well that you can't help but love him. Max is the kind of person that you'd see trying out for the next James Bond villain, he just steals every scene. Overall, if you're tired of movies trying and failing to be edgy and want a good time, go see The Losers.

Kick Ass Movie Review

Rating-1/5 stars

I really wanted to like this movie. I really, really did. I have the hardover addition of the comic book, which I cosider to be one of the best graphic novels in the last ten years. The trailers were so promising!! We were promised a violent, darkly humorous action movie. Instead we got a Tarantino wannabe with ridiculous subplots and an insane runtime. The graphic novel is great because it really is realistic, the only exception being the awesome Hot Girl. The movie starts pretty much like that, and then takes a turn on fourth and bananas and there are people who get tased in the face who get right back up, a mob boss who can do kung fu, and a freaking jet pack even. The whole movie is just totally unbelievable. One minute, the hottest girl at school thinks Kick Ass is her gay best bud, and literally 10 minutes later they're making out in parking lots. None of the action scenes feel threatning at all, and the animated blood looks absolutely awful. Ok, I don't want to go on a tirade here, so I'll say what I believe are the two main things of why this movie totally sucks. While the graphic novel had brilliant writing and awesome art, the movie has really bad stylization and terrible, terrible writing. The graphic novel made fun of nerds and showed how pathetic they can get, but at the same time praised them their fantasies. Because it is true, everyone has wanted to be a superhero. However the movie is a plodding, badly written, and rather creepy and perverted mess. The only redeeming quality is Chloe Moretz as Hit Girl. She is the only thing in Kick Ass that kicks ass. Overall, when I left the theater, I did not feel like the film had kicked my ass with awesomeness. I felt like this movie had come up to me, taken my money and my stuff, and punched me straight in the face.

How To Train Your Dragon Review

Rating-4.5/5

How To Train Your Dragon is a kind of kids movie that is rare these days. It isn't too deep for some kids like Pixar movies often are, and it doesn't treat the audience like idiots like Hotel For Dogs. What makes this movie so different is that it's simple, traditional, fun.

Hiccup is a misfit in a village of scottish Vikings who can't seem to do anything right, especially fight dragons, the vikings' sworn enemies. This all changes when he befriends a dragon and changes his perspective on life.

I want to say wonderful things about this movie, but I can't. This is why I hate reviewing good movies, because you really have to see them to understand what I'm talking about. The voices are good, the story is good, and the animation is beyond mindblowing. Just go see it.

Hot Tub Time Machine Review

Rating-4/5

Is this throwback to 80's movies a comedy classic like last year's "The Hangover"? No. However, it's still extremely funny. When for high school friends (and one nephew) try to relive lost memories, they end up 20 years earlier, in the 80's. Of course, they freak out and try to get back to the present before it's too late. Despite the ridiculous premise, the writers do a great job of doing jokes that pay homages to 80's movies without being stupid. Also, the direction of Steve Pink (Accepted) really makes the story work. But what really brings the movie together is the performances. Every character is well crafted, with his or her memorable personality and humor. Well, except for Chevy Chase. For people of my generation (1993 and beyond), seeing a Chevy Chase cameo doesn't have the kind of effect a cameo by say, Will Ferrel would. Chase's character is definitely the most bland out of all of them by far. Overall, Hot Tub Time Machine is a very, very funny movie and it's worth the cash.

Clash of the Titans Review

Rating-**

Never before has there been a film like Clash of the Titans. Never before has there been a movie that's message is not one of environmentalism or teamwork or something, but raging, militant atheism. Basically, what this movie teaches us is if you think you and your community can make it without religion, but the deities of said religion refuse to let that happen, there is a simple solution: kill 'em. Just take your magical sword and flying horse and kill everything that represents them.

Ok ok ok, let's get serious. The plot is: Perseus, played the kid from Avatar, now speaking with his true blue Australian accent, gets his family killed by Hades, and decides to go the "God of War" route and screw over pretty much everything related to the Olympian Pantheon. Perseus and his bunch of generic action movie stereotypes fight harpies, giant scorpions, the Stygian sisters, Medusa, and the kraken. Never mind, I guess Perseus and the gang just went the rout without most of the mythical monsters.

Anyway, the acting is hammy, the script is ridiculous, the ending is retarded, the fx range from beautiful to ps2 game, the characters are nonexistent, and overall the story is a bit of a mess. However, Louis Leterrier saves the day like he did in Unleashed and The Incredible Hulk with exciting and extremely well done action scenes. Overall, I don't really recommend this movie, but it's kind of entertaining and not nearly as boring (or as charming) as the original. Try it, but definitely not in 3D